So today I'm thinking that I should write the next great american novel. It will be all about fraud. First I will write a very scholarly paper that will be published in a very reputable magazine ... let's say, "Newsweek," "People," "The Ensign," or "Harper's Bizarre." This scholarly paper will gain national attention when a newsmagazine show like "20/20" or "Primetime" does a Sunday night special on it. Many of you may be asked for interviews -- all I ask is that you be honest and respectful to Stone (Phillips. We'll be on a first name basis by then, because not only is he hot, he's friendly, too). Stone will borderline harass the people I expose in my very scholarly paper, making them feel very agitated, indeed. He will even get a few doors slammed in his face when he asks things like "How can you live with yourself, you sneaky bad rat?" I myself will be both dignified and sympathetic in my interview. Stone will do a great job in his presentation, leading to public demand for immediate reruns. The following week, you may be asked to do an early morning interview for "Today" with Matt Lauer. All I ask is that you be honest and wink a lot. Public outcry will grow -- I mean, people will be really enraged, and demand that I write a full-length book about fraud/intrigue/deception/greed/overall crappiness. I will do it, because I will feel it is the right thing to do. I will make two million dollars and evenly divide it with all of you 'cause you're so dang cute and did such a great job with Stone and Matt. After my fifteen minutes of fame is over, I will assume a pen name and write a 562 page novel called simply "Fraud." It will become a national bestseller, possibly even outselling Harry Potter (just the first one, certainly not book seven). It will immediately become a "MUST READ" for college english classes and church groups alike. I will donate my profits to McGruff the Crimedog, and settle into a quiet and anonymous life in the country. Stone and I (and Ben, of course) will remain good friends.
Olivia was looking through Pinkalicious (what a delightful storybook) while I daydreamed. My novel may need some really great pink illustrations to go along with it. Only time will tell.