Why have you conspired against me?
Why must I suffer this reoccurring mania?
I am really a pleasant, ethical person. I don't dig a pit for my neighbor. I try to make life a little interesting for my husband and children. I even crack a joke now and then! I am nice to cashiers and waiters. I ask people how they are doing, and dangit, I really want to know the answer!
So why this, Universe?
Why must I turn into crazy woman? I honestly don't believe I suffer from multiple personality disorder. This is all your fault!!!
Why do you turn me into Medusa? Just for kicks? Just so I can become a truly hateful and horrible human being and try that on for size? Do I LOOK like I want snakes for hair? Just 'cause I have naturally great glaring talent, this doesn't mean I want to kill people with it! (Okay, normally I don't want to kill people with it). Is this your idea of a joke?
I don't like it when my poor pea-sized brain becomes overloaded with pleasant thoughts like: life, death, the state of my marriage, the incredibly high level of noise in my home, the politicians who can just shove it up their -- , and the fact that I don't want to hear one more word about socialism 'cause people don't even know what it means, whether my husband loves me (poor guy, what more do I want!?), and whether I'm actually going to die in my sleep and that's why I'm having all these thoughts? YOU TRY IT, UNIVERSE!!! And then let me know how you like it.
What is the point? I just don't get it.
Surely there are other, less painful and degrading and offensive ways to reach the measure of our creation. (Am I right, female coalition? Am I right?!?!)
And what about Man, Universe?
Is it really fair that we suffer it all and they get nothing but good looks and upper-body strength? Don't you see a slight imbalance, here? And don't send me a memo about having to live with the female. That won't cut it today!
I just don't get it.
Can you please twinkle the stars and bring back Nice Marie? I like her. I really do. I miss her, and I want her back. Is she ever coming back? (I ask not for myself, but for my Mate and young children as well. They are innocents.)
Please send your answer to me A.S.A.P.
Best Regards (But No Love Today),
Marie the Martyr
P.S. Do you think the Bomb Threat I feel coming on will dissolve soon? Do you think I could get a time estimate on that?