Tuesday, July 21, 2009

P-Day. Zero Hour.

She looks adorable. Don't let it fool you, folks.

In my current Book of Mormon study I'm sitting in a tent outside of the temple, listening to King Benjamin give his final instruction.
Up until only a few days ago, I believed that the eternal torment King Benjamin spoke of-- that lake of fire and brimstone -- applied only to those who rebel against God.

How innocent I was.

I now know that the lake of fire and brimstone he speaks of can only be referring to ...


My daughter is killing me!
Is this a special hell prepared especially for me??!?!?!

I thought she was ready. Honestly, I thought she was. I prepared my defenses. I fortified myself with courage, patience, and bribery.

She was smarter.

She peed TWICE in the toilet yesterday morning, just to get my emotions involved.
She spent the rest of the day screaming, kicking, and crying if I mentioned the word "toilet" -- and proceeded to pee all over my whole house.
I admit, the last time she peed in a fancy circle pattern around my living room, I lost it. I ran for the bedroom.
The Double B kissed me oh-so-gently on the forehead and told me I was doing such a good job, and in a very gentleman-like fashion, went and got the carpet cleaner himself.
I mean, that's nice and all, but -- Puh-leeze! I am obviously failing here! The victory is all hers!

Today we have had many accidents. I have teetered between despair and hope. Quit? Or go on?
An hour ago she dumped a big load on K.J.'s bedroom carpet.
As you can imagine, this was very stressful for poor K.J. -- the look of abject horror upon his face was truly sad and funny. He has been manhandling the Febreeze ever since. Daddy will have to handle the three brown spots left to mark the spot.

Olivia just took my hand and went potty IN THE TOILET!!! Is this just a cruel trick on her part, or a sign of things to come?
Can I go on?

I'd like to ask your advice on this, but I am thinking better of it. If you trained your child at 18 months or something, I'm afraid it would affect our friendship. Better to just let it go.

Potty-training. One could wax philosophical about it, but what is the point? It's just another form of cruel and unusual punishment. Which, by the way, is unconstitutional.
Do I report my own daughter to the federal government?


Tink said...

I feel for ya. Potty training is the purest form of torture for a mother. As if we didn't give the child life to begin with! We should be praised and adored, but no, we get stuck with potty training! You can do it! It will be worth it when there are no more stinky diapers to change. Just keep thinking that...no more stinky diapers...no more stinky diapers...no more stinky diapers!!!! :-)

Paulette said...

I feel strongly that you aren't a true parent until you've endured the horribleness of potty training. I, for one, agree with you every whith. We still are suffering good days and bad days with Kyler...but the good news is that the bad days are getting to be further in between. I wish I knew the trick...bribery only seems to work for a little while...excitement tends to fade away after the first several accidents. The best advice I can give is: consistancy, encouraging words, and patience patience PATIENCE! The person who said that you can potty train an 18-month-old in just one day was a fool in my opinion. Good luck, my friend! And my the potty-training force be with you!:)

RoseAnna said...

Oh potty training. Best wishes to my favorite auntie Marie.

katie said...

I know what you mean! The thing I learned after trying and making myself crazy, when they kept having accidents was; to wait until they are ready. I know it is hard, but it makes the training much easier. I am not saying there won't be any problems, but it is way easier! All of my kids waited until they were almost 3 before they got it. I tryed for a while with Isabelle and she wasn't interested. (I went through the screaming matches too) Then one day she came to me and wanted panties and I am happy to say she is pretty much done with diapers!! Just remember this to shall pass:) Sorry for the long comment!

Tink said...

I'm sure you have, but have you checked out the cake wrecks today??? It will make you smile!

Jen said...

You can do it. Never give up, Never Surrender!

Ducksoup said...

oh landsie. this era of life sounds like no fun. way to hang in there though. i'm sending you many a wishes for better days to come. the picture of her is too cute. i think a need a double b at my house to clean up all the disgusting messes. if he's willing, i'll buy you a house next to ours as soon as we buy one. which will probably ne N.E.V.E.R. so tell ben not to stress out too much. and by the way, i think you need some ads on your blog. you are a writer and if cjane thinks she should get paid for what she has to write, you should get paid triple that. you know what i mean. nonetheless, your blog rocks and pretty soon you'll be makin' booko bucks off it. love yah!

Ducksoup said...

i just saw you had an ad on your sidebar. i need to know more!

Tamari said...

Even if you wanted it, I have NO advice to give on the subject...oh the stories I could tell...and even though my children still "appear" to be potty trained, oh don't let their angelic faces fool you...the saga still continues...I feel your pain...

Tink said...

Look at you comment collector!!!!

Tara said...

I feel for you. I absolutely hate potty training. It's the worst part of a child's life at this point. I haven't had teenagers yet though. I hear that can be rough too. Kaylise was pretty defiant about it but we finally set a date and talked about it for two months and wouldn't let her go until that time and amazingly enough when we got there she didn't fight it much because we would just reminder her that she agreed to that time and she was okay with that. We still had some accidents but overall it went well. I have to agree with waiting until they are ready though it makes a huge difference. Best of luck. My hat goes off to Ben for being so willing to help with the messes. Tim helped really well with that this time and it really helped my sanity