Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Who's The Vulcan?

Prepare yourselves, people.
This story aint pretty.
This is me. This is my #1 nephew, Purt.

I had the dubious honor of watching Mr. Purt for awhile this evening.
He's cute, you know?
No problem.
A few minutes post-arrival, I walked by Purt as he wandered my bedroom.
I thought to myself "You should glue Purt to your side tonight."
I don't know why I thought it. I just did.
I then walked out of the room, and was not quite down the hall when I heard
a thump.
Wild crying.
and,
"Aunt REEEEE!!!!"

This is how the injury occurred:
Crazy-pants here decided to walk a little pre-maturely.
(It's your own misuse of agency, buddy.)
He's not quite steady, just a few steps at a time.
Unfortunately for him and my bed,
the steps ran out
just in time for the bridge of his nose
to get up-close and personal
with the frame of my bed.

Exhibit A:
Saddest thing I've ever seen!
All I can say is,
good thing The Double B was still home for a few more minutes
when the blessed event occurred.
Aunt Ree had a few moments of heart palpitations and panic-like thoughts
"I killed my precious baby nephew!!! He'll be eye-less!!!"
before I could open my own eyes and ascertain the extent of the injury.

Exhibit B:
This kid is a TROOPER.
He stopped crying right away!
I then became his jungle gym.
It's the least I could do for my lil' buddy.

Exhibit C:
Nice bruise. Not quite a shiner.
Better.

Since I am pretty sure this is the last time I will ever be allowed to see my nephew,
I have written him the following letter:

Dear Purt,
Even though you almost lost your eye,
that doesn't mean I don't love you.
'Cause I love you, Star-Trek looking or not.
It was a real pleasure knowing you.
Your loving Aunt,
MaRetard.


Moral of the Story:
Do Not, under any circumstances, allow me to watch your children. It can only end in disaster. Just ask Mr. Purt.

8 comments:

Melissa said...

That is so sad! I can't believe it swelled up so bad that fast. Luckily, if I ever need you to watch my children, I know that because they are semi self-sufficient they'll be just fine. Nope, no worries here!

Paulette said...

This is Kevin, Paulette would never say retardedness.

Paulette said...

I wanted to laugh at your retardedness, but those pictures of Porter's nose were just too darn sad. Way to go crack dealer.

Tink said...

Oh Marie. Those pictures are so sad....Prt is just fine. I'm sure he still loves you! Good thing he has a high pain tolerance! It's amazing. Cute post.

Ducksoup said...

you are too funny. what a cute post - - sad but cute - - you know what i mean. only you could think of exhibit a, b, etc. you are an awesome blogger, you know it. the pictures of you were quite funny. porter is one cute little boy. already walking? wow! so are you coming up this weekend. have you not answered the question because i'd be too sad to hear the answer. goodness sakes, i need to see you. yah know, just some good ole f.c. bonding time.

katie said...

Ahh poor kid! I am sure he still loves you:)

*rOcKiN rIcHiNs* said...

Oh my goodness, that looked bad. You can't tend ME ever now, I have terrible balance too! I had high hopes for you.

Tamari said...

Classic.