I am against any kind of pain(s) in my backside.
As in, I am morally opposed to it.
And I have them.
Which, really, in the world that revolves around me exclusively (over here in La-La Land), this is a real and very serious tragedy.
So I do literally have a seriously sore patootie. This is a result of going down a bumpy hill on a large piece of plastic that posed as a water slide. It was seriously radical. But it was bumpy. My dear father, bless him, predicted this pain I am now experiencing. He sagely warned me that my backside would be screaming at me for racing down the slide, often with a small child or two on my lap. He was so right. It hurt a little right away, but then it went numb. It was sore the next day. But mostly just when I sat down. Now, two days later, it is a raging inferno of bum pain. The pain is not equally dispersed, either. My right side -- owie. My left side -- SOMEBODY AMPUTATE NOW.
It was worth it, though. I loved, loved, loved cookin' down that baby with my son, nieces, and even twice with my screaming daughter. If this pain continues, though, it may not be worth it. We shall reconvene in two days, and if it's not better then ... I'll start carrying around a life-preserver. Who will be friends with me then, I ask you?
Really, though, I have both physical (as we have reviewed) and metaphorical bum pains right now. I ask your advice about my other patootie pains:
What happens when you are always the "let's not do that" voice?
I don't like being that voice.
What happens if you just don't want to do the same thing as the person you love more then ANYTHING in the whole world?
It's so hard and it's wearing me down, to have to say "I don't want to go in that direction" time after time. I wish I didn't feel the way I do. I even fasted and prayed that my feelings would change so that I could make the same decision as the person I love more then ANYTHING in the whole world. I just felt confusion. I felt yucky. I don't want to go in that direction. Is that a stupor of thought? But is a stupor over my hesitation or the thing itself? (Honestly, people, thank your lucky stars that you don't have to live in my brain. It's exhausting for all the brain cells left in there.)
Is it just because I'm afraid? That is definitely a part of it. I'm happy where we are, and I don't want to risk that.
Or is it because we are where we are supposed to be for a specific reason? That might be it. But I don't know.
The Double B is kind -- disappointed -- but understanding. So maybe besides just ME having butt pain I have become the pain in HIS butt?
This is a real possibility. All I can say is that I hope the pain I inflict upon him is even, and not leaning all to the LEFT side, the way mine is. Because the Double B is left-handed -- and it just wouldn't seem right to have a sore cheek on the same side he writes with.
3 comments:
Marie your complete goodness is sometimes hard on yourself. Seems like it may contradict the complete goodness which it is. Best wishes with the decision. Hopefully when the right home comes along you can both feel it together. I know you are living right and will be able to feel in tune when the prompting comes but while you wait remember to "Look on the Bright Side."
rieser you are too funny. your title is hilarious and could you be any more creative. don't worry. you don't need to answer that question. i know your next post will even be more entertaining than this one...they always are. your decision doesn't sound fun, but it sounds like to me you are making the right decision. you should be so incredibly excited about such a huge decision and big purchase. so hey, just remind ben patience is a virtue and he'll thank you someday for being a pain in his bum. love yah!
ditto! I don't know if it can be said any better. You're doing great. Just be patient. And when it's right it will happen and you will be excited. No confusion. You'll know.
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