Monday, August 24, 2009

This One Lady

Daddy-O got home early from work today, much to my daughters delight. I was happy to see him, too, except for the fact that I hadn't done any housework AT ALL because... let's face it... I wasn't planning on seeing him for a few hours.
I have a multitude of sins!!! Okay?!?! Being the cruddiest housekeeper on this side of the continental divide is the least of 'em. But it's one of them. Okay? Let's still be friends.
So after a few good laughs at our little ladies antics, The Double B settled in for a little snooze and I informed him that when our son was done with preschool, I was taking myself and the two little chickens into town.
I mean, I literally haven't been to Costco in two weeks.
Do I have a fever? Do I look flushed to you? This is very unnatural behavior for me.
It was time to go back and make the most of the new coupon book.
And make the most of it we did!
Me and the chickens like our little adventures. They're just a part of who we are. We've got the routine down pat. And we like the routine. We thrive on the routine.

However; there was this one lady.

Do you totally know who I'm talking about? Let's see if this is a refresher...
My oldest child and I were filling up our drinks at the food court, because really -- where else is there to eat, right? I had just finished filling a cup and he was right next to me (separate machine, but right next to me) filling up HIS cup and his sisters cup. And he was doing a darn good job of it, too.
When this one lady -- kinda old -- definitely old enough to know better -- came up to my FIVE YEAR OLD and pushed him out of the way with her smelly body (I'm just speculating on the smell here. I can't verify it. It just seems like she probably is a smelly lady) in order to fill up her own water cup.
So I said (loudly, cause I'm a rebel) "Okaaaayyy. Well, son, why don't you come over here with me to finish, since you can't do it there."
That's right! I don't take that treatment sitting down, y'all!!!
My child, being the angel that he is, scooted over and gingerly reached for his sisters cup while the lady proceeded to pick up her own little grandchild and said "What do you want? Sprite or Coke?" And proceeded to fill up her WATER cup with SODA POP.
That's right. She stole the soda! She stole the soda in front of two little kids, one related by blood, after pushing my FIVE YEAR OLD out of her way with her stinky smelly body.
I think one of her eyes was twitchy.

I walked back to my table both disturbed and perturbed.
People like that, man, I oughta...
Now I realize that while writing about the sliver in her eyeball I'm neglecting the two-by-four in my own. But still. I hope I never steal soda after assaulting midgets.

Bring it, old lady!
You don't mess with me and mine!

May I never be a story that begins with "this one lady..."
Help me, Lord!
Don't ever let a bad attitude or the revenge of the female reproductive system do it to me!


Tara said...

I love your blog Marie. Way to go to stand up for your little chicken! I can't imagine you ever being in the story that begins with "this one lady..." and ends like your post. However I think that phrase can be used in a positive situation as well. Say it with enthusiasm and excitement and tell about a great thing someone did. You could be in that story!

Tink said...

Way to go Mother Bear! Protect the innocent! Crazy, stinky lady! Why do people act like that???? I still don't get it!

Jen said...

That lady just burns me up.

You crack me up.

Ducksoup said...

i think that fire in us must be something from the sperry side. okay, so i know would probably be more accurate. the thing i love about you though, is you stand up for yourself and then don't feel a bit of guilt afterwards. i know i'd have the same reaction as you, but then i'd probably feel really guilty. not you though, and i love it. and you are the coolest blogger ever. have i said that recently, cause i think that a lot. and the smelly lady thing reminded me of grandma telling us 1000 times that she'd haunt us if we ever let her spell. anyway, glad you got to adventure to costco. i have been sinning a lot lately and not shopping there nearly enough.