Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Daddy In Charge

Last night I went and saw 'Aida' at Tuacahn. It was excellent. I felt so awesome sitting there and listening to one of my favorite musicals of all time, sitting with buddies, sitting and drinking a humongous Diet Coke, sitting and feeling the groove. I had myself a real swell time.
And then I came home.
And I met...
A tornado! A whirlwind of horror! A cyclone of death!
My house, which had been in beauteous condition when I left -- even with dinner on the stove (I mean, this happens like once every two weeks, so I was really rockin' it!) -- and the dishwasher ready to load... was dead.
The kitchen torn apart. Dishes and food everywhere.
Salt (or sugar?) all over my nice clean floor.
A whole Costco pack of bandaids opened all over my front room,
along with every toy and piece of chalk known to modern man.
The camera left out.
I felt concerned. So I turned on the camera and saw...
I have to admit, it's cute.
But I also knew what it meant.
So I headed for the bathroom, where my makeup was all over the bathroom floor, opened and smeared. Honestly, shouldn't Daddy have taken the time to cover his own tracks? Men.
By this time, I was feelin' a little... fumy. A word? It is indeed.
I walked a few steps more down the hall.
There he was, the great misdeeder. The Father.
Sitting at the computer, playing a rousing game of Solitaire.
I didn't speak. I couldn't. I didn't have my nun chucks on me.
So I headed to my bedroom.
A brand new bottle of oily medicine was poured all over my nightstand
and the bathroom floor. Everywhere the water wasn't.
So I marched back to the hallway and asked how much that bottle of medicine was.
The father hesitantly answered "Uh... not much."
So I, in pure female form, said "I just want to know what you do when I'm gone. I just want to know!" And quite frankly, I still do want to know.
By the time I got everything cleaned up, I was a little bit hopping mad.
So I closed the bedroom door, drew a comforting bath, and read my book.
'Cause that's what I do.
When I got out the offender meekly came in and asked
"So how was the show?"
"Daddy, I so beautiful! I so essquisite!"
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Melissa said...

Oh, no! I am so sorry. That is the most horrible thing to come home to after a hard day of slaving away. It only takes a few minutes for them to destroy it, but it takes FOREVER to get it cleaned up. You should've called me, you could've come over and sat in front of my washer to calm down. I would have even fed you treats!

Ducksoup said...

and that pictures of livi is A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

Ducksoup said...

oh my landsie. that sounds like a nightmare. i'm glad you are still married. just kidding. but oh lawsie (should have asked granny spelling for all her words before she left us). i think i would have died. glad you made it. and please do forgive me if i don't blog tonight. i am trying. i have the pictures uploaded from picasa and drafts saved but sleep is overcoming me, so blogging is coming from me. hopefully tomorrow. i'm sorry my promise may be broken. perhaps i'll get a burst of energy.

katie said...

I love that he at least took the time to take a picture!:) Husbands.........what do you do????

Tara said...

Wow. That's pretty impressive. I guess to give him a little credit sometimes I just have to walk away when the mess gets out of control so I don't injure the children for creating it!! He probably could have come back and at least helped with the damage though. Men just don't always understand. They go in waves of awesome helpers to worse than the kids. Congrats on surviving the event. Those were some pretty awesome pictures of Olivia though.

the Provident Woman said...

You didn't make him clean it? I would have said for him to get started and walked back out the door. Would getting ice cream have taken enough time? If not maybe a late movie.

Paulette said...

Wow! Love the makeup! So pretty! Well, look on the brightside now that the dirt has settled a bit and the smoke least Olivia had the time of her life, getting into anything and everything.:) I'm sorry you had to clean up her fun. It's just not fair, what's up with that?

Oh and BTW, I was at Tuachan watching the same show at the same time! It's a small world afterall!:) Darn I didn't see you! I admit I have barely even heard of it so I didn't know what to expect. I loved the music and the dancing. It made me laugh alot too.:)

Tink said...

I'm with the Provident Woman! You should have called me for ice cream! He could have cleaned the mess! You're a good woman! He's lucky!

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