Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Just Givin' The Facts

I have a neighbor that totally dislikes my guts. Can you believe this?! Okay, I can believe it, too. But in this particular case of five year long dislike, I am not culpable. Seriously.
My greatest crime: living a different lifestyle then the one she lives. This does not bother me nearly as much as it bothers her. But she keeps implying that it really think it bothers me. (?!?) Which is weird. I only have a problem with the smoking while pregnant thing, but even then, I was not rude. In fact, I was not involved. At all.
So that, in a nutshell, is my criminal record. Oh wait. There is the fact that I know a few people who drive too fast down the street. That reallly bothers her. Oh. And. I'm friends with the person she has chosen to most launch her anger at life upon. So... as you can see, I am a really bad person.
The reason I bring this up is that I passed her again this morning. As in, her five year old daughter and I are buds, so when we bumped into each other on the walk home from school this morning her little girl hung back and walked with me for awhile. This is what is amazing to me. Isn't she afraid I'm going to poison her child with subliminal messages about surgeon general warnings? If I disliked someone as bad as she tries to dislike me, I wouldn't let my precious little girl hang out with them. But she doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Amazing. Anyhow, when it was time to go our seperate ways, she looked back and called for her daughter, and in an impressive feat, completely avoided any eye contact with me. Wow! Now, personally, I think that is hard to do. But she is disciplined. Very, very disciplined. She completely ignores my existence. Which honestly... makes me chuckle. Because I had that same special ability up to about the sixth grade. She especially loves to punish you by ignoring you, withholding waves and refusing to acknowledge them. That is kind of my favorite. That, and the magnificent glare. She waits... until... you are looking... and then... swivels her head... and glares. Hard. And forcefully glares until you are out of sight. Ha! Hahaha! This makes me so happy. So very happy. Because honestly. I used to do the same thing. Up until the sixth grade.
Anyhow, I just wanted to announce to all my readers -- all five of you -- that I am a marked woman. You may want to reconsider your friendship with me, because most obviously, I am a dangerous criminal. Now go and have a good day!!

P.S. Is anyone else afraid of the movie 'Bambi?' I know I am. And my kids just keep watching it. Don't they know it's scary?!


Emily said...

I knew there was something about you...couldn't quite put my finger on it. Thanks for letting me know just how evil you are. haha.


and the only scary part in Bambi is the fire and the hunters.

Tink said...

It's juvenile really! But you have to give her is a hard thing to do...but she does it! Kill her with kindness, that's what I say, but she doesn't give you a chance to be kind so I really don't know what the solution is. Oh well!