Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I'm about to self-actualize. Prepare yourself, people, it is not going to be pretty.

I am a crazy woman.

And a super crazy and witch-clone of a mother today. You know the Wicked Witch of the West? Green skin, wart on the nose, big chin? Cackle from Hell? That's me. I am her. We are one.

I'm sorry, children. Flesh of my flesh. I must have given you the best parts. 'Cause all that's left of the original flesh is a... Witch. (Insert cackle here).

I would like to apologize to my body for making it run last night. We all know running is evil. Is this what is forming the hate-rays to build inside of me until there is cosmic explosion? Is it just revenge? Am I actually proof of the big bang theory?

I would like to apologize to my husband for complaining to him when he called. He probably didn't want to hear about how Via wouldn't put on her underwear. That was making me really mad. And her hair is not brushed. And I don't apologize. (Nice Marie says she wants to apologize, but Bad Marie won't let her.)

I'm sorry, children, for screaming like a true, actual, real-life psychopath whenever you have cried today due to injury. For some reason, it really annoys me when you injure yourselves on self-actualization days. Will you still be my children? Are you going to divorce me?

It might actually be a better option for you. Go find Brad and Angelina, they will take you in. They're not married, but don't worry, they're just waiting until all their brothers and sisters can be married, too. So... not a problem.

Self-Actualization Complete: I am a complete wreck of a human being. In fact, I am not even sure if I deserve the title of Human Being. I am a complete wreck of atoms. Atoms of the disorderly persuasion. Atoms askew. Atoms atomacized (new word, you're welcome). Atoms not on the fast track to heaven. Atoms that should be locked away in prison until Nice Mommy comes back.
We miss you, Nice Marie.


Ducksoup said...

you are too cute. one of my most favorite qualities about you is your realness. you are who you are (wonderful that is) and you aren't afraid to share that with the world. thank you for being my f.c. i wouldn't dare do a self-actualization post. i think my mother-in-law is ready to kick me out anytime now. remodeling and living with in-laws and trying to agree on things is quite the deal :). you should have seen me saturday night. enough said. except maybe i'll tell you about it sometime, because you are mild by far compared to me. well nice marie, you really are, you rock. love yah. hope you are surviving!

Melissa said...

Hello my long lost friend! I would like to point out that it's only you who are like that. I've never, ever, ever in my life yelled at my kids or my husband. I am for sure the perfect mother. I know all other women would agree...that I am the perfect mother and that they've never had a bad day. Right? Right? Hhmmm...maybe not.

Tara said...

I have ogre days too. They're no fun but this too shall pass. I think just getting it out and letting it go helps. I'm sure Ben understands and loves you just the same. Hope your day gets a little better. Remember to keep calm and carry on.

Jen said...

I think some chocolate may be in order for you today.

We are discussing Actor/Housewife in my book group on the last thurs. of Oct at my house at 7 pm. Dress housewife-ishly. I'd love to have you. I'll try to remind you around then, too, though no promises that involve me being actually responsible.

Simmons Family said...

I know how you feel!!! You express that so well. Everyone has bad mommy days unfortunatly

Kamille said...

Does being so clever get tiresome? I just try to think about blogging about my hum drum life in the colorful way you blog about your life and I can't wrap my brain around it. Maybe I'm busy wrapping my brain around other such nonsense like who in the world decided it would be fun to break down the atoms of Sodium (symbol Na) to see how many protons are in (the atomic number) and then decide to put it on a chart (or as we lovingly are memorizing it: the periodic table) in a column with all of it's other friendly isotopes which share the same amount of valence electrons so they will all have the same chemical reaction. Seriously, the more I learn about the Earth, the more I think that God is just showing off how brilliant He is. Seriously. Valence electrons. I know, I'm becoming somewhat of a genius myself, don't worry, I'll go to another lecture this week where I will once again feel like an idiot. It all comes around the way it should.

Tamari said...

I totally relate... :-)

Tina Williams said...

At least yours is just a day. The mean mom has been present in our home for quite some time and will likely be in control for the next 3 months and 6 days! Patience is a virtue, one I'm ever so glad Andy has!