Monday, September 28, 2009

This Partnership

The Double B and I have been married for 7.3 years. And we're not divorced yet. Which, really, is kind of an accomplishment. Pat on the back for us. We have this motto that we ripped off from someone else, and it goes something like this:
"I'll kill you before I divorce you."
or possibly,
"I'll murder you but I'll never divorce you."
Something like that.
Of course, the reason this motto works for us is that The Double B is not a complete Weiner, and I am not a complete Witch. I'm kind of a witch, but not completely one. And that, my friends, is my saving grace.
I don't know how some people stay married. In fact, I can think of three people married to people I love that I would divorce in the first five minutes. And that's just off the top of my head. I salute you, people married to jerk-wads. I don't know know how you do it or if you should do it, but good for you.
The Double B and I are lucky. Some days we're not too happy together. But that is definitely the exception. Almost all days we are super happy that we're together. And some days we're even down right giddy about it, a la Newlyweds.
I have heard a lot of things about the fifth and seventh years of marriage -- that they were pretty darn hard but to stick it out and things would start to look up. I will say the fifth year was hard. And the seventh year has had it's sticky moments. But we're lucky.
I read this book once called 'Three Weeks With My Brother,' by Nicholas Sparks. It was one of the best books that I have ever read, and I have read a lot of books. Go read it. Anyhow, in a conversation the two brothers were having they talked about what truly makes a marriage work. One said it was all about communication, which I thought was true. But then the other said No. It's not about communication. It's about commitment. If you are not both 100% committed to making your marriage work, it won't. But if you are both there 100% of the time -- it will. That felt like gospel truth to me! My honey and I talked about it. I just had to tell him that I was completely, totally, utterly committed to him. He smiled. And said he was 100% committed to our relationship, too. And we remind each other of that some days.
"I would like to kill you, but I will never leave you. This is your course, and so it is my course. I will never leave this commitment."
We're lucky.
I've been thinking about how it's funny that we make the most important decision of our whole life at such a young age. The decision that will directly affect our happiness for the rest of our forever. Of course, maybe most of you weren't as young as we were. I was 19, and The Double B was a very mature 21. What can I say, we're Mormons. We were insanely in love and wanted to be together. So we got married. And it's been good. We've both had little moments, but it's been good. Mostly, we've helped raise each other. I think that has helped us -- we both have an ability to bend to help the other one. I love him.
This brings me full circle to the real reason I started this post... a few nights ago, I went to the wedding reception of an adorable girl in our church congregation. It was a beautiful, soft, romantic reception, and they were so happy. It was getting close to closing time, and I congratulated them and then sat and visited with friends and ate my cupcake. And thought. I don't have any idea of what was going on in my mind at that particular moment of my life -- half an hour before we left our wedding reception and embarked on our honeymoon. Really. I just don't know. I felt so curious as to what they must be thinking... I went home and asked my husband, and he laughed and said something like "probably nudity."
Maybe. I don't know.
I think it was just the sure knowledge that I was now the wife of the most important man in my whole life. And that was good. Very good.

I know one thing; and that is that Life will not be controlled. It will do whatever the fates decide, regardless of my own hopes and desires. But I do know this -- I may want to maim my husband, but I never want to leave him. He is 100% committed to me, as I am to him. So I'm hopeful.


Jen said...

excellent excellent post!

Ducksoup said...

so sweet ree. i may adopt your motto :). have a good day! love yah.

Tink said...

I personally think they go hand-in-hand. Sometimes that committment has to be communicated! I'm glad to know that the Double B is safe as far as divorice is concerned!!!!