Is It In My Hands?

Yesterday was my "annual checkup," if you know what I mean. All the ladies in the house, holla!!!
Sorry.
I've just wanted to find a reason -- any reason -- to say Holla. So I did it. Is that even how I should be spelling my new word of awesomeness? I don't think spellcheck is the appropriate resource in this situation.
Holla! Holla!! Holla!!!
I just feel... like... maybe I have soul when I say it? Like maybe I'm not just some white girl that jerks to the music spasmodically? That's what it makes me feel like. So I'm gonna keep saying it. At least for today. Holla!

Anyhow, back to the humiliation, degradation, and overall awkwardness of being a girl. It's occasionally humiliating, degrading, and awkward. Why don't you men have to get an annual checkup? A checkup of anything? A checkup of your armpits? Oh, right... 'cause your bodies are awesome and all you have to do is look like is a fine specimen and your life is good. Shucks. It's a good thing you provide eye candy and brute jar-opening strength, or there would be fewer and fewer uses for you, indeed.

Just kidding.

Pretty much.

I am thankful to say that I forgot in my overall nerves over the last few days that my OB/GYN is ... pretty much my best friend ever! He is hilarious, and I try to rise to the occasion. He, the nurse, the medical student and I just had a rip-roaring time as my over sized paper towel went flap, flap, flapping in the breeze. You should all go to my doctor, men included. He once wrote my husband a prescription for a bad cough when I was pregnant with Kaje, so The Double B is pretty proud that he has an OB/GYN, too. So see? No discrimination here!

The Double B wants to have another baby.

I think that if someone came up to me and said "Hey, guess what! I'm going to drop off a brand new baby at your house in nine months!" I would be all for it. But it's the pain, awkwardness, and unknown things that happen during pregnancy and delivery that get to me... makes me clench my jaw a little, if you know what I mean. (Oh, you don't? Oh... just me then.) Plus I'm not going to win any motherhood awards with the two I have, so -- that's something to consider.

Oh, and one more thing. I am not ready to get pregnant next month, and I am not ready to never get pregnant again.

So as you can see, a conundrum.

And then I remember -- oh, yeah. It is pretty much not in my hands... at all.

I know the most wonderful people in the world who, for whatever unfathomable reason, do not get to have children. I know the least wonderful people in the world who, for whatever unfathomable reason, have children even when they don't want them. And I know The Double B and I have never conceived right away, or even a year away from the first idea. And I know that my second pregnancy was hard, hard on my body. And I know that things don't always go the way you would direct them if you had all the magic powers.

Hypothesis: I.Am.Not.In.Charge. So I'm leaving it in the hands of God. Seriously.

In the meantime, let's look at the treasure of immeasurable worth He has already given me...

Wow.

Incredible.

And that's all I have to say about that.

P.S. This is Marie waxing philosophical, not Marie making an announcement. So please don't hurt yourself speculating 'cause it would be a waste of brain space.

Holla!