Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I Was Thinking...

I just have something to say. What is it with Robert Pattinson and the hair thing? Why can't he just leave his hair alone? Didn't he take any ettiquette classes? Doesn't he worry about the fro he is creating? Why must he touch his hair EVERY SECOND? What happens if he goes bald one day?
Dear Robert,
Thank you for playing Edward in 'New Moon.' I admit I have tickets to the midnight showing. But I am very concerned for you. I think you need to seek therapy about the hair thing. Please leave it alone before it's too late.
Your friend even though you don't have any clue I exist which is sort of your loss,
Marie.

I have something else to say. I just got my flu shot. I am so proud of myself. I was very brave. And it didn't really hurt at all, but now my arm feels a little funny around the injection site, you know how that happens when you get the flu shot? I wonder if that is how vaccines feel to small children... do they say to themselves "Wow, I can feel the measles spreading down my chubby thigh -- hope Mom knows what she's talking about!" Livi watched in fascination. But when the lady offered to give her one, she jumped back and said "I... no!" I am so happy to have my flu shot. I'm all about the flu shot and was worried I wouldn't get one this year and would actually just get... the flu. Now I feel superhuman! Plus, the lady didn't give me a bandaid, and I think I'm going to get a little scab. I never outgrew my scab-pride from childhood.
Dear Flu Shot,
Thank you for not messing with your hair. That would freak me out. Please work so I don't get the flu, either regular or swine -- I'm simply not interested.
Your loyal recipient,
Marie.

Livi is wearing a newborn outfit today. I got it as a gift for someone, but she loved it and ripped off the tags, hence negating any possibility of gifting. It's a onesie thing that she unbuttons and wears sortof like a really special tutu. It stops about four inches above her belly button. Some parents would intervene in this fashion choice, but not me. To your own self be true, Liv. If you're feelin' it, more power to you.
Dear State Official,
Can I be reported for this?
Love,
Marie.

Last night I took my children over to my parents house to watch Dancing With The Stars -- I admit it, okay? Poor Donny. I hope someone voted for him, 'cause that was just... lackluster, to say the least. This is not, however, the point of the story. I brought my Dad an orange and he peeled it in the kitchen. His toadie, Livi, was standing with him and watching him with disgust. When he took a bight of his orange she made a gagging noise, pointed to it, and said "Throw...that...away!" It cracked him up, and us up. Honestly, what food does this child approve of? I know I deserve it from my own picky past, but really.
Dear Donny,
I really wish you would have held it together a little better last night. I mean, you are a professional, and part of that is not freaking out so much when you make a mistake. In my community theater opinion.
Love -- your #1 teenage fan's daughter,
Marie.

Speaking of community theater, last night I got very concerned. I realized I am an actor who has not done any acting for almost four years, or any directing for two. Does that mean I am an imposter? Because honestly, how can I have any faith in my acting ability when I don't ever dust it off? I'm a FAKE!!! And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Dear Acting friends,
Maybe you should put together a workshop and I can be a part of it.
Love,
Shakespeare-I'm-Not.

Kaje is having a little trouble focusing at school, and I'm a little worried about him. But I really think it'll all work out and he'll be just fine. He can sound out words -- my son is starting to read!!! -- and is such a smartie. I need to just have faith and encourage him. He is the kindest boy I know. And the most addicted to Star Wars kid I know, too. This morning he had about ten extra minutes and put in A New Hope. You know the part where Luke is stuck in the trash compactor thing and Han says "I've got a bad feeling about this"? Kaje ran into me as I was wiping off counters and yelled "I've got a bad feeling about this, too!" He's hilarious.
Dear Kaje,
I just love you so much. I hope you can always try to be your best, despite being the child of a truly insane Mother.
I love you,
Mommy.

I will now give you my closing thoughts: I hate to be cold, I am worried a little about the budget deficit, what is wrong with some people?, I almost cried when I heard D. Will would be out of the Utah Jazz loop for a few days, I get to see my cousins this weekend and that makes me happy, I need to visit the Wal-mart, I'm a little worried about a young friend I have, As adults why do we think we can make decisions for ourselves and that our happiness should come before that of our children, and I have absolutely no idea what I am talking about because I just really have not experienced enough to pass judgement on anyone. Well, I feel justified in passing judgement on real life horrifying criminals -- IT'S THE SLAMMER FOR YOU, PERVERTS! But otherwise, I should just sit in my corner and rock quietly.
Dear Readers,
I apologize for the complete and utter random nature of this post. Please remember you came here of your own free will and choice, and I love you for it.
Love,
MaRetard.

6 comments:

Kamille said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kamille said...

With your brain so busy, do you get sleep at night? I think if my brain were moving so quickly, I'd never get sleep. That's why some of us (you) are smarter than others of us (me).

Tina Williams said...

Thanks Reese, needed that!

Tara said...

Thanks for the laughs. :) As for the imposter I think you should refer to your previous post. I believe you are still dusting off your talents your just not sharing them with as large of an audience (until it's posted!) Have a great night.

elise said...

Does Robert Pattinson play with his hair a lot? I would, too, if I had (what appears to be) a dead animal perched on top of my head. Poor fella. :) Anyway, I think you should resume your acting career. Or at least write about it. What have you been in? Maybe I've seen you before and didn't know it.

kip said...

please teach your husband how to spell. It is painful to IM him on facebook. I thought this was a great forum to tell you that. oh yeah and your blog is funny. . . I guess. ;-) ha ha ha. made you read.