Monday, March 8, 2010

monday postal service

dear bills,
i heartily dislike you. i think you should go away, leave me alone, and only come when i'm feeling rich that day. not poor. like today. because now i feel (and kinda am, actually) destitute, and i still haven't had that steak from texas roadhouse.
i understand your purpose, but i don't love you --
marie.

dear uterus (or womb, if that makes you more comfortable),
i appreciate your function. kind of like a conjunction (sing that school house rock, everyone! sing it!!!). just kidding. i know you don't join up other words. but although i appreciate your purpose, i would appreciate it more if you would stop SQUEEZING me. because braxston hicks are the worst. and yes, i love to complain. i love it. just ask the people who have to live with me.
love,
marie.

dearest spring break,
i love you, because you let me keep my son allll dayyyyy longggg. and i love that. so thank you.
from: marie.

dearest friend ben,
i love you. and i'll read this to you, 'cause i know you won't read it. and darn it, you should know how i feel!
love,
marie.

dear f.c. and cousins,
i love you, too. just different. thank heavens.
love,
marie.

dear ann landers,
i have always ALWAYS wanted to write a letter to you to ask for your advice, because when i read the other letters you got while i was growing up, they were just so darn juicy. amazingly juicy. and i wanted some of the juice. but now i'm an alleged grown-up, and i don't want to ask your advice if my juice is going to be public, you know? i think i need to think of some juice first, though. this is a happily unjuicy portion of my life (insert sigh of relief here).
love,
marie.

dear livi,
what's going on with the nudist thing? please let me know when you've analyzed it.
love,
mommy.

dearest academy awards,
you know i look forward to you all year long. and you were boring. but you did give me a good excuse to visit with my parents for 4 long hours and you did give me the chance to have that delicious lime water thing as only my dad can make. so i thank you. you KNOW i'll be watching next year, too. and i've got my speech prepared, should i ever need to use it.
your friend,
marie.

7 comments:

Kamille said...

Dear Marie,
Do you think that the fact that I have a uterus is making me extremely emotional as of late?
Sincerely,
Kamille

Tina Williams said...

Dear Marie,
Thank you for your approach to the world. Thank you for finding the good in the academy awards.

While on spring break, I think you should head north. FC #1 is spending wed-sunday at my mother's home. You should come too. We could all blog together.

Consider this/that a formal invite.

With Love and a Slight pressure (remember how much fun we had shopping last time you were in the area),
FC#2

Tina Williams said...

Dear Marie,
Thank you for your approach to the world. Thank you for finding the good in the academy awards.

While on spring break, I think you should head north. FC #1 is spending wed-sunday at my mother's home. You should come too. We could all blog together.

Consider this/that a formal invite.

With Love and a Slight pressure (remember how much fun we had shopping last time you were in the area),
FC#2

Ducksoup said...

consider this your third invite (since tina invited you twice :)). that would be awesome if you came but guess what i know you wont so maybe i should just quit getting my hopes up right now.

i loved your letters. just made me wish i was as cool as you. where do you get your creativity from anyway. i think you know more about everything than i know about even one thing. i mean ann landers, i've heard her name but that's about it. but you...well you just know everything.

thank you for the letter. can't tell you how cool that made me feel. you are the bomb diggity.

i totally understand about disneyland. one of these years...

love,
fc

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Jen said...

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Schoolhouse rocks. And you, uterus and all.

Ducksoup said...

so about the christmas tree, it was braden's tree for his toyroom (actually granny's small tree she had on her coffee table) and once i put the tree away and he discovered it and was appauled... so, i had to haul the thing back upstairs. last night though he was melting down because he wanted to shoot and not go to bed and he started knocking over the tree and his hoop. i told him if he knocked it down again i would take it downstairs. and he did so the tree went back downstairs this morning. i'm hoping it's gone until next november. sorry about the long story...