Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Da Bomb

And here we have Katelyn, solving the mysteries of the universe:
I just love Olivia. To me she is the funniest kid ever.

I have a declaration to make:
I do not speak facebook. Here is why: I know way too many truly crazy people that I would just as soon not know I am still walking the earth. Clean and simple, that is why.
Sometimes I check the Double B's account though, just to see what new shocking thing his coworkers have to say. Recently, one of the girls he works with posted a topless photo of herself, with just a small gray box covering the weightier parts of the product, if you know what I mean. I was not impressed. I was prepared to start a witch-hunt as a matter of fact, Salem Style. I told the Double B and he said "Hm. Sounds like her." And then I said he should boycott and take her off his thing or something. But I don't know how that all works, really. So here is my advice to you, fair readers: Don't. Pose. Topless. Under any circumstances. I once knew someone who for some reason thought it would be an awesome idea to have professional pregnant nudy pics taken for her husband. For reasons not yet understood, she "accidentally" emailed them to everyone she knew. I was... shocked. And... amused. And... I desperately wanted to forward them to my mother. But I refrained, out of respect for civil discourse. Seriously though, I wish I would have done it, just so I didn't have to giggle alone.

* sigh *

I have now stated my thoughts on both Facebook rebellion and very, very artsy photography. Wow! I've accomplished a lot today.

Last night at Zumba I was goofing off, because as we know, that is what you must do as a representative for Zumba For Retards (copyright pending). I decided it would be so hilarious to just keep on side squatting, right out the door. Unfortunately, I bumped into my friend Shawna, fell into the door, and knocked over the fan. And then just had to scramble back into place. I felt... well... retarded. But then I decided that was okay, because how else could I possibly represent my spastic style in a more appropriate way? It couldn't be done, man. Stand tall, stand proud.

I have one grouchy baby on my hands. Just sayin'.

A few days ago I was cleaning house and my offspring were "helping" me. I found a screw on the floor that just keeps reappearing, no matter how many times I put it in the 'miscellaneous' drawer, so I put it on my dresser until I was done folding clothes. Meanwhile, K.J. and Olivia are pretending to lock each other in and out of the room. Finally K.J. really does lock Liv out and she starts crying, so I say "K.J., don't lock your sister out" as I open the door. He is standing there holding the screw in the air. The conversation proceeded as follows:
K.J. - Mom, it was the screw.
Me - What do you mean, it was the screw?
K.J. - I was holding the screw, and I just lost control of myself!
Me - So the screw made you do it?
K.J. - I think so.
And... scene. Those are the moments that make Motherhood the bomb-diggity.
It's like a pie diagram: in this corner, you have the times that let you know that you are a raving lunatic and force you to think of running away to join the circus. This slice represents the-sky-is-falling type of days, but the whole rest of the pie is one big exercise in hilarity. Cool, dude.
And I just made a math analogy. The Double B would be so proud.
That's pretty much it for today, folks.
Enter to learn, go forth to serve.

P.S. I would just like to say, thank heavens for Spell Check. Amen.


katie said...

I love your posts! Your baby is getting so big! Your awesome!!

Ducksoup said...

when i grow up i want to be just like rieser. i also want to own my own jet so i can fly down and go to zumba with you. i would have loved to have seen that scene you described. so cool we are related. i can't believe i share blood with someone so amazing. love yah!

Kamille said...

And then the randomness made me feel happy in my own skin. And that was all.


THE HILLS said...

I just shake my head about those co-workers...she probably is a mom too (somehow that makes the whole thing worse). I'm sure I know her, and now I'm sickly curious who it was. I'll try to refrain from asking you! haha You have legitimate reasons to boycott facebook.

Simmons Family said...

the screw make me do it, hahaha!! That is totally awesome!

Dan,Lisa,Zeak,Jake,Kaci said...

Thanks for making me laugh today if I lived closer I would come to Zumba instead I will just keep hiding in the privacy of my own home thanks to the Dixie Zumba girls that made a dvd.