Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Cousins, Twitterpation, Peter

My F.C. had her baby yesterday! I am so glad we have a new baby girl in the family and so happy everything went so well. Childbirth always gives me a little pause. You know. Or you don't. But probably you do. Congrats to my Mary D. Dawn! I wish I was there to bring you flowers and pain pills and hold the little pudding pop!

I have decided I should come up with my very own dictionary. Instead of Webster's, it could be Mariester's. It would be full of acronyms and lots of incorrect uses of the English language. Starting with:

F.C.: (noun) Favorite Cousin

O.F.C.: (noun) Other Favorite Cousins

F.B.C.: (noun) Favorite Boy Cousin

F.C.I.L.: (noun) Favorite Cousin-In-Law

L.F.C.: (noun) Least Favorite Cousin

haha! Just kidding. Instead, I'll put in

E.C.: (noun) Evil Cousins

And I feel okay about that, because in all reality I have like nine million eight hundred thousand and fifty two cousins. And I am sure that some of them are evil.

I think that in cousin-land, I have basically come up with my own language. Think Tolkien here. There's 'The Lord of the Rings'. Then there's my blog. I see them as equals. Separate, but equal.

Last night for Mutual we played wiffle ball, boys against girls. I do not think that it is an exaggeration to say that it deteriorated into mob violence. I have analyzed why it is so darn impossible to have a regular experience when you bring teenage boys and girls together. Let me break down my theory for you. The boys pull out their peacock feathers, trying to draw a mate (insert strange "help me" sounding call here). They become ridiculously aggressive, beating upon each other and even occasionally, for reasons not yet understood, the female they are interested in drawing into their lair. The girls, sensing on some primal level they are being enticed, react in one of two ways: either they become aggressive and hostile right back (ala She-Ra) and hate upon the male, or else their voice register raises at least three octaves and they chatter/giggle/bounce and become shy and intimidated by the plume of feathers flounced by said adolescent males. It is an interesting study in the human experience, quite honestly. And if I didn't have to be so darn concerned about my wonderful, innocent females and their physical safety, I could probably sit back and enjoy. As it is, I get a little worked up when I see the boys trying to pull them limb from limb. We call this Mama Bear Syndrome, which honestly, could be a whole 'nother study unto itself.
I don't know how teenage boys get teenage girls to like them. But it's been happening for generations. So I figure the Lord puts some kind of anaesthetic upon the brains of the females so they don't see how silly the peacock feathers really look.
And that is my theory. I feel blessed to have shared it with you today.

I've been reading in the New Testament in The Book of the Acts, and darned if it isn't the most interesting and fun reading I have done in quite some time. I had forgotten so many stories that I had only heard in my seminary days, and honestly, I haven't gone past the four gospels in the New Testament since then. So shame on me. But I am loving this whole experience, actually. I just read about Peter's vision of the four-legged beasts, and it was so interesting. I am fascinated by how the Lord chooses to teach us.
I guess it's up to us to be like Peter, to sit and listen and ponder and then be open to the whisperings of the still, small voice to find out what message God has for us.

My sermon has come to an end. Godyegodden, as Shakespeare would say.


Elise said...

I love your analysis of the teenage mating ritual. I've done some time in the Young Women program myself and I have to say that the findings of your research are dead on. You're really onto something with the whole brain anesthetic thing. I smell a heavenly conspiracy.

Jen said...

I agree about your blog being on the level of awesomness similar to Lord of the Rings.

Ducksoup said...

thank you for my moment of fame. you are my favorite blogger ever.