Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Sista B Gets Crunched

Dear Every Person I Have Ever Met,
Last night I just had the most marvelous time ever. The Laurels went boating for our Young Women's activity, and IT WAS A BLAST. Let the public record state that I am much braver then the Double B gives me credit for!
I feel compelled to give you the full report.
We sped around the lake while I "WOO-HOO!"ed. I really loved that part. I jumped off the boat into the mystery water -- for Sherine, really -- and it was mighty fun. Lauren jumped in, too, and the three of us swam off to two different rock outcroppings and then jumped off of them, of course, because that is the only thing that made sense. We played a small version of Desert Island, wherein we found a small shrub growing out of a crack that we were going to use as food, fuel, a Christmas tree, and a spear in case any small animals also landed on our island. Then we jumped back on the boat! Except me. Because Sista Yates and Lauren were on the giant tube thing being dragged behind and Sista Yates MADE me get on with them. I didn't really want to. I wanted the Bishop to do it, so that I could report back to the ward and also see what I was getting myself in to. But they begged. So I did it. For Lauren. And Sista Yates. It was very intense. I won't lie about that. Water. In face. And speed. And death grips. And harrowing turns. And screaming and laughing. But I survived.
I was deeply happy to get back on the boat. Then I laughed -- hahaha! -- as the Bishop and Erika got on the raft and wore their faces of death. Sista Yates swore never to go again. I was sort of hopeful that I would never have to go again, but -- hahaha -- again. Lauren fell off in the most awesome way, she barrel rolled across the top of the water three times. I laughed again, 'cause I was just laughing a lot. Excessively, I would say. Everyone just kept assuring me it didn't hurt to fall into the water, but I was doubtful. I looked mighty painful, but who am I to doubt? I told Brother Beatty and the Bishop I wanted to go again I just didn't want the crash at the end. I suggested perhaps a gentle roll off at a lower speed? Brother Beatty suggested I just hold on until the speed and turns forced me off and then I could experience it! This sounded reasonable to me.
I held on until the speed and turns and, as I like to call it, pure and unadulterated G-Force forced me off. And I would like to say right here and now, that I won the major award of the night for Superior Crash And Burn. The consensus was I did AT LEAST FOUR end-over-end tumbles on top of the water, legs and arms flailing, before the quick stop at the end. And I am here to testify that it HURTS to land on top of water at that speed. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. It felt like I'd been punched by a giant barbarian in the side, the stomach, and the thigh. And that I was probably bleeding internally and maybe I would throw up blood. But no such luck. They would have been sorry then! HA. I did laugh really hard once I knew I was alive, because there really isn't a better option at that point. Just to review the options, they were A) Do I laugh really hard like that was hilarious and the coolest thing I've ever done? or B) Do I sink to the bottom and find my rest? or C) Should I swim to shore and just keep walking straight to the hospital?
Once I was back on the boat and had warned everyone it might just be one solid barf off the side and then I'd be fine, we were off again! At one point we all rode together, which was just the worst idea ever, and there was no one to get Bishop and Brother Beatty to stop on that one. Sort of a mistake, but we were still laughing! We just couldn't seem to stop. It was a laugh of terror. Erika and I were on back and essentially had nothing to hold on to. Erika went off first and I followed soon afterwards, and then the raft ran over me. Good times. Good times.
It was so fun to be there on the water with my girls and Sista Yates and 2/3 of the bishopric. We had a little swim, then later a little picnic, then I jumped back in the water so that I could keep my dinner inside of me. Sherine had never gotten back in the boat after her last turn lest she also lose her lunch, so we just kind of bobbed there like apples for a little while.
The most daring and insane riders by far were Lauren and Emily, who were being thrown around like mad and both took seriously glorious tumbles. And then they made me get BACK ON with them. This is cruel, but I couldn't really miss the opportunity to make some memories with them. The driver was nice, and we really had a great time. I even stood up on the raft! That was pretty much awesome. I hate to state my own coolness, but it's hard to be humble at such glorious moments.
I also learned that I am the absolute worst boat driver in the history of the world. My poor innocent girls, who were the raft riders at that particular moment, would testify to that fact.
At the very end, Brother Beatty tied on the raft thingy and told me and Erika to climb clear to the top and lean over as we went around the lake so we could see 300 horse power in action. So of course, we did.
It was a wonderful time. A very great and wonderful time.
And last night I was thinking "Oh gee, I think I might be sore tomorrow! Yep! I'm feeling some stiffness! But I'll sleep good tonight! HAHAHAHA!" I was still laughing. I might have a sickness.
I woke up at 1:30 in quite a bit of pain and finally, finally lulled myself back under some sort of unconsciousness about 3:30. This morning I reached the conclusion that I AM IN PAIN. Terrible pain, in about every quadrant of my body. Leaving my bed is like a nightmare. The little old lady inside of me absolutely hates me right now. And strangely, I still feel a little bit sea-sick.
But it was worth it.
In every way.

And later, when I have more movement in my fingers, I'll report back on the birth of my beautiful new niece, which is a whole amazing story in and of itself.
I'm going back to bed now. Amen.

P.S. Don't worry, Mom, I totally survived.


Paulette said...

Thank you for that humorous and fun blog post. You made me laugh out loud. I needed that today! I miss you so much!:) Come to see me if you are ever in Bountiful!

Elise said...

Awww, man! I want to go tubing! You are a lucky lady. I bet you're feeling really lucky today.

Jen said...

I am very glad you did not take your rest.

Congrats on the birth attendance and new sweetie pie niece!