Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Spew

I couldn't be more proud: Katelyn just worked her way into the bathroom and was NOT splashing in the toilet. This time she was just hiding behind the shower curtain! The toilet lid was even open, beckoning to her. This is progress, people! I call this progress! I don't know what it is about the royal throne, but Kate is drawn to it like a cute little fly to honey. She splashes around and then rubs the toilet water all over in her hair. I. Don't. Know. Why. But today -- yes, today -- she chose something else. The shower curtain.
A  big day for all of us, really.

This morning I looked around my disastrous kitchen and thought "siiiiiggggghhhhhh." Didn't I do this yesterday? I don't know how my house has the power to become so frightening. I think it comes down to two things: 1) My children are not exactly neat-freaks, and 2) I am really a rather horrible housekeeper. For one glorious moment I thought about having a weekly cleaning service. Of course, I'd have to get an outside job to pay for my own personal Snow White, and then I'd have to pay for child care. Between the two, I'm pretty sure I'd be working to pay for a clean house and child care. But still -- for one second I thought about it. And then I pulled open the coat closet and started hanging coats that for some reason can never quite get on the hanger.
For your information, the kitchen still sits there making faces at me. I'm going to have to Fly Lady the kitchen today. Fifteen minutes on, fifteen minutes off. Of course, when you're aggressive like the Fly Lady would be proud of,  you're almost done with the room in fifteen minutes, so it seems silly to stop. I think that is part of her plan.
She is devious, that Fly Lady.
I should become her devoted follower.

We had the most interesting conversation at our house last night. It was, in essence, about Self Worth. About how others can injure our self worth or almost destroy it, and how we can and need to get it back. About if you can somehow deserve bad things happening to you, or if you're predestined to experience horrible things or if they just happen. And then, of course, that all-powerful subject of Agency. Why we have it, why it's allowed to injure other people, why God doesn't always stop horrible things from happening.
So interesting. And things that maybe there is never a clear-cut answer to, except this one all-encompassing statement that requires FAITH: that through the Atonement, we can overcome all things.
Let's face it: I'm 28 years old. Of course I've experienced some hard things, some yucky things, some things I have hated, and I am always wrestling with a very strong opponent -- myself. But I have not experienced even an inkling of the suffering and the ugliness that is in this world and that is sometimes inflicted on us through no doing of our own. But I am sure about this: we aren't sent here with the instruction to deal with it by ourselves.
Here is what I know: A feeling of self worth is absolutely critical to happiness and purpose.
That feeling of self worth is available to everyone, even though we all have to work through our own issues to receive it and maintain it.
Here is something else I'm figuring out in my own short life through personal feelings, experience, and observation: In all these questions of life, there is one buoyant answer to it all -- we have a Father in Heaven that loves us with a perfect love. Becoming a Mom helped me understand and accept that love a little better. He gave us a friend and Savior that is Mighty to Save -- and through Him and his help there is happiness and joy in the face of everything else.
And He will help us find that Self Worth that is so critical to making choices for happiness.
That's really the only answer available to those questions, because it really is the only answer.
At the end of the conversation -- it was a very long conversation -- I thought of one of my favorite things: that Faith has a sister. And her name is Hope.
And I just really, really love Hope.

Well. I never know what I'm going to write here, let me tell ya. I often finish my thought and think "well, I just didn't know I was going to discuss that here today." But I have decided to just share what is rolling around in here, because after all, sharing is caring.

In conclusion, let me share something not thought provoking at all, just fun: yesterday the Double B and K.J. went ice fishing. It was a trip they have both looked forward to, and they had a marvelous time, even though K.J. didn't have quite as much fun since Grandpa couldn't come this time. Plus, he's afraid of the fish. So as soon as one bites, he runs screaming from the hole.
Olivia woke up and in a most melancholy fashion whispered "K.J. got to go fishing with Daddy." So what did this equal? GIRLS DAY!!! Of course. We went to all her favorite stores, because that girl will always choose shopping for her hobby of choice, and had lunch with Grandma. I carried a sleeping 30 pound Katelyn around Costco while pushing our filling cart, because that girl just would not wake up. And then I forgot about my visiting teachers coming to visit! So I missed that, dangit. When we got home, we were all exhausted. We thought K.J. had scouts, so the two of us drove around for some time only to realize he did not have scouts. Then, in honor of my faithful visiting teachers, I surprise attacked two of my own ladies, which is the only way to do it and have success for some. They looked at me like I was a weirdo. Again. And I am, so it's okay. BUT I WILL BE 100%, DANGIT!
At the end of this long day, guess who actually made dinner. A foreign word for some. Me. That's right. Me. Miracles have not ceased.
I win the prize.
The self-appointed prize.
And there you have a full accounting of the day.


THE HILLS said...

I feel safe to confess that I forgot my visiting teachee on Tuesday...oops! :)

Ducksoup said...

oh marie, you are the best. i read your last post but when i tried to post my comment i wasn't signed into gmail so it didn't post it. so loved last post too and i'm still loving everything you right. you are indeed so insightful. and your day yesterday sounded crazy. our lives have been similar the last few days. today i got to hold maci at costco while pushing a very full shopping cart and yesterday i went VT, in honor of you. i loved your goal of going each month and made it my goal as well. see how inspiring you are. i pretty much took a one year sabbatical since maci entered this world (pretty sure that was about 11 months too long, possibly 12).

well you rock FC. oh, and me cooking at our house is a miracle here as well. i have and always will want a chef. love yah!

Elise said...

The long kitchen sigh. I' ve been there, man. Cleaning is such a frustrating cycle.