Thing I need to just give up on right this very second: The hope of keeping my swept pile on the kitchen floor an actual pile in the two seconds it takes me to get the dustpan.
Today it was Katelyn, but she is not the only culprit. Every member of my family seems heck-bent on destroying my precious pile. I should give up on my expectations of the pile. Right now. This very second.
You just be whatever you need to be.
I'm going to try to let you go.
Thanks for our time together,
Thing I found out yesterday: That for roughly a month and a half, I have been unconsciously destroying the feelings of a dear friend and injuring a very beloved friendship. How did I do this, you ask? Sheer stupidity, multiplied. I am so glad that she had the courage to say "you are really hurting my feelings." Because I just didn't know at all. I am not the sharpest tool in the chest at these critical moments. What can we learn from this? That we should really learn to vocalize our feelings and try hard to not internalize them when there is doubt, because nine times out of ten, the offender is really just a Marie -- oblivious. I felt so bad. But I was truly sorry, and they were willing to forgive. Which is a good friendship. And all this conversation took place while I was sitting in the front seat of our car in the garage in search of privacy. What does the male population learn from this? As the Double B says, "I just don't understand you people." Meaning women. He says we make it a lot harder for ourselves, and I say, yes, you are right my darling poo-poo head, but such is our design. We called it good by saying "Perhaps women are too emotional and men are not emotional enough. Together, we have real potential." Maybe not in such lofty speech, but it was acknowledged with a nod.
Dear Dieter F. Uchtdorf,
You say so many wonderful things, but you may have said my most favorite thing of 2011 when you said:
"I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect. Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not...
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It's wonderful that you have strengths. And it is part of your mortal experience that you have weaknesses. God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It's OK that you're not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.
Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself."
Thank you, dear President Uchtdorf, for speaking so well to women. It's like -- like -- you understand us a little or something. Thanks for saying that. Thank you for being so nice to look at. Don't take that the wrong way, but rest assured it doesn't hurt any of our feelings.
I am like... imperfect on a GRAND scale.
And that's okay.
I'll just keep trying to do better.
Katelyn has recently taken to carrying little board books around with her and then grabbing one of her tiny baby dolls to hold or lay on top of the book. I think she might be reading her baby a story.
I believe this could be a totally awesome mother in the making.
Carry on, Kate. Carry on.
I was annoying myself yesterday reading some of the "talk" of "mormon mommy blogs" and the speculation that I guess takes place -- is it our search for perfection or false pretense or the search for more "power" in our gender role or ... something ... in writing a blog? And I would just like to say -- duh. Rampage Marie will now climb onto her soap box:
* I am obviously an idiot. I am not trying to impress anyone, and no one is impressed. They already know I'm an idiot, they just like me anyway -- or not -- whichever. I just have a lot of hot air like many other people and feel better when it's slightly released. Hence, my blog.
* My husband is not perfect, as you well know. But I really like him. A. Lot. So I'm not going to back away from that. I think he is super cool, and I like sharing that opinion. You're still going to know that sometimes he has stinky feet and sometimes he's a jerk. One of my favorite facts to point out is that sometimes I'd like to punch him in the face, but I still love him. And vice versa. It's almost romantic. So let it be written. So let it be done.
* My kids are cute. I'm not going to hide that fact. That's the whole point of this idiot mobile -- a journal of sorts for family and friends. Thus ways, they can know my kids and their awesomeness much better then otherwise. Not everyone lives in my house. And yes, sometimes I would like some time alone from them. But then I'm always happy to be back. I really love and like my job, despite what others think of theirs.
* Gender role. Phooey. You wanna talk feminism? LET'S TALK. I'll take you down. And I can refer you to many other strong, smart, forward feminist thinkers that are also "mormon mommys." And they'll take you down, too. Gender roles. Eat my foot.
* Finally, I just don't understand the mystery here. It bothers you that by and large we're happy? You don't believe that can be real? I don't get that. But maybe people don't understand we're part of a religion where the whole point is happiness. There's actually a plan. It's called "the plan of happiness," that was put into place to ensure our -- you got it -- happiness. It's a way of life that teaches you how to produce -- ta-da! -- happ-i-ness. That is the whole idea, folks. So if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Of course there are times in life that you are NOT happy. Welcome to Earth, third rock from the sun. And we even write about it. You're welcome. But the whole idea is, hang on and you'll feel some good old fashioned happiness again. Better. Hopeful. That's what we believe. Just being kind and trying to be good and really making an effort to scatter some sunshine all along our way. I don't know why there's so much confusion out there. I don't personally feel it. Oh, you're a different religion then I am and this is your life? How interesting. How happy that you're happy. I like you. I think your beliefs are nice. I'm glad you find joy in the journey. I'm glad you try to live the good things your beliefs teach you to be. And what a wonderful gift to me if you write a blog to share your experience.
* And finally, no one could accuse little old Marie of being repressed. If not self-checked, I can get on my soap box more then anyone I know.
I just love soap. What can I say.
So -- that is why I write my blog. It. cheers. me. right. up. I like it.