Monday, April 2, 2012

Sensitivity Training

This is a morning where I feel sensitive about everything. Do you ever have that? And while I try to be sensitive to others, this is not a state I enjoy for myself. My mind circles, circles, vulture-like.

I was honestly thinking while vacuuming (apparently I get some good contemplation done during that back and forth time) that I should probably just strap a picture of a bomb to myself and tell my children that... I have a bomb, and I'm not afraid to use it.

I think I might just be silent today.
That might be the wiser choice.
I don't think I'll use my figurative bomb.

Everything that hurts feels amplified this morning, like stinging "ouch, ouch, ouch." There must have been a vaporization of hydrogen peroxide from an explosion (there's a theme here) in Europe and it's drifted over here to me. That is the only reasonable explanation.
Dang you, European Factory Explosions! You only think of yourself!!!
Then I walked into my children's bathroom this morning, and like almost every morning, thought "What the heck." I seriously thought through a very strict and violent list of rules that I was going to write down and paste to the wall so all bathroom users could see their shame.
Honestly. All I want is for them to put their own stuff away. To not hang things on the already demented shower rack. And have I mentioned to put their stuff away. That is all.
That is all.

I love it when I am insane. Because, of course, the bathroom and it's level of orderliness have nothing to do with what really stings -- it's just something little that becomes something big because -- I'm just going to go out on a limb and say this -- because I'm a girl.

I think all Mom's go through this occasionally. And probably Dad's, too. I think it's the "I'm Tired Syndrome," that strikes the breast of us all now and then.
Then shake in some change, throw in some wrestling with self, sprinkle with clinging children and a feeling of not-in-control, and WA-LA!

A bomb threat.

The good news is, this feeling will pass. I am a person who much prefers peace, so while a little shaky and perhaps topsy-turvey for awhile, I know I'll get my feet back under me and cleanse the hydrogen peroxide out of my system from that stupid explosion in Europe. The "I'm Tired Syndrome" will be treated with a little activity and scripture study, my children will survive a messy bathroom event, and I'll let some fresh air in through open windows.

And mostly, I think I'll just keep silent for today.
Because Silence Is Golden.

Thank you for listening.
You are good and innocent people.

P.S. My sincere apologies to the good people in Europe. You are innocent.
P.P.S. I still want my kids to be responsible for their own junk.


Mariah Jenny said...

I love you mom! I just felt like you needed to here that today. I love you soooooo much. I am sorry for being a irresponsible child in your life and will do much better from now on. I really am sorry.

when I use the bathroom... I will remember to make sure it is clean after every time I use it. sorry about the towel thing I do, by hanging it up on the already demented shower curtain pole. It is just a habit I have. I am going to do much better... I promise.
I love you :( I am soo sorry about your over whelming sensitivity today. I hope you feel better.

I hate being a girl too sometimes. I was feeling that way last night and i don't know why. and I could feel that you where also.
I hate it when your silent, but if it makes you feel better you do it.
I love you sooo much mom.

p.s. please don't strap a picture of a bomb to yourself. I know you wont. but that sort of scares me a little when you say that.
have a better day sweet heart mother, cause your children love you and want you to be happy. when your not happy we aren't happy either. I love you!

THE HILLS said...

I love how you can put things into words that others cannot. Marie you are amazing and I look up to you so much! And I am glad to know that you keep pushing along through tired times and all the other obstacles, it gives courage to the rest of us. Love you!

Tink said...

Hugs! I'm sorry you are having such a bad day. I love you!