Pirate Pants

* The Double B just came in and made me promise him that I would watch the movie he just watched, even though he is sure it will make me cry.
* I don't like to cry. But sometimes the things people go through just makes me so sad, and I cry. Case in point: sad movies based an real events. Case in point: Girls Camp first aid class in the ninth grade when the e.m.t. told this story about a man who had his shoulder blown out and how he was contorting and what his shoulder was doing. (Sobs.) Last first aid class I ever attended. May you never need first aid around me. Case in point: Pick another case. I probably cried for the people I was sad for.
* For some reason, the Double B thinks it's funny when I cry like that. Either he is a tyrant king, or I'm just adorable. I don't know which.

* The Double B was off today. We had the most marvelous time together, chillin' like villains and enjoying a quiet day. That is a pretty awesome boy.

* On Friday morning, my Aunt Jan and cousin Sara are coming down so we (my Mom, sis-in-laws and I) can all go to "Time Out For Women" in Las Vegas together.
* So. Excited.
* Other words to describe my feelings: Thrilled! Ecstatic! Delighted! Hopeful! Overjoyed!
* This will be our third TOFW (yes, it has an acronym). And we plan to go every year for the rest of our mortal probations, because it is THAT STINKING AWESOME.
* And if you're wondering if I meant to capitalize THAT STINKING AWESOME, yes I did. It is THAT STINKING AWESOME.
* If you're wondering what TOFW (used it again) is, it's pretty much this thing for women that is awesome. There are speakers, music, lots of laughing, and overall good feelings.
* Love. It.

* Tonight while delaying getting into bed, Olivia squinted her eye at me and spoke like a pirate.
* Naturally, I squinted my eye, pulled out my finger hook, and pirate answered her. This delighted her, and naturally, she jumped into a pirate plie position, squinted harder, and said in her raspy argh "I've got a bigger eye-patch then you!" Okay, the next few minutes must be properly recorded, as they were truly magical. The conversation then went like this:

Liv - I've got a bigger eye-patch then you!

Mom - I've got a bigger hook then you!

Liv - Well, I've got a sword! (brandishing sword)

Mom - Well, I've got a bigger sword then you (brandishing sword, naturally)

(It's a show-down. Liv with her eye-patch, Mom with her hook. Both are armed. Liv thinks hard.)

Liv - Well, I've got a Giant Daddy Pig!!!

Mom - (looks at Daddy for confirmation) Did she just say she has a giant Daddy Pig?

Daddy Pig - Yep.

Liv - I've got a giant Daddy Pig and he'll chop you in half!

Mom - No! Argh! (Mommy falls on the bed, dead.)

Liv - No, actually, your HAIR! You're alive again! He chopped off your hair!

(Mom gets back up on the defensive)

Liv - (with a swift flick of her arm) I chopped off your pirate pants! (draws back her sword) AND NOW YOU'RE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!

Hysterical laughter ensues from all. K.J. could see all this from his bed and he was just in stitches the whole time, but Olivia and her pirate pants chopping from left field brought down the house. She was both giggling madly and so pleased with herself at the same time. The Double B and I could not have been prouder.

And... scene.

This conversation was accurately transcribed right after the battle and is recorded here for future generations. You are most magnanimously welcome.

* Being a Mom rocks. The defense rests, Your Honor.

* The End.
* Flourish.