Monday, October 22, 2012

Moving Day #1

The Double B is off to the Midwest.
I compare this to Frodo heading to Mordor to destroy the ring.
Or Something.
I admit that I cried. It was very difficult, wrapping my arms around him and trying to be able to say "I love you" and trying not to totally lose it at the same time. I do love him. With my whole person, I just love that kid and like who he is. We've never had to be separated for any length of time, really, and I depend on him to be my balance. You know the movie where the hero says "For better or worse, you've become the voice in my head"? Well, all for better, but he has become the voice in my head.
His Mom just came over to get her cleaning bucket so she could give her floor a good scrubbing. She cried -- which totally and completely broke my heart, as his Mom has almost Herculean strength. Of course, then she put herself right back into check and gave me the good advice to just scrub, scrub, scrub away today. The Double B is her baby, and other then the two years of his L.D.S. mission, he has never lived far away from her. He is her caretaker. He was born to be her caretaker, really. And now he is going off to live eighteen and a half hours away. At moments like this, when the wife is crying and the Mom is crying and everything feels torn up, it seems like a totally bad idea. If we didn't feel like God had moved all the chess pieces into place it would be a different story. But after doing all that we could do, we asked, asked, and asked Him to direct us where we needed to go. And we told Him we would go wherever He sent us.
And He sent us.
So we won't be going back on our word now.
Olivia kept commanding her Dad this morning "You're not going anywhere! I'm not going to let you go!" She is so crazy about her Dad. Her alternative was to just have him take her with him. They could stay in a hotel that had butlers, and the butlers could watch her while he was at work. Really, I think she is wanting to protect him.
K.J. also thought it would be a great idea if Olivia went with Daddy. He knows Daddy will be lonely and Olivia is brave enough to do it.

Yesterday I felt so vulnerable all day, sort of emotionally overloaded. And then they had the Special Needs Mutual do the sacrament meeting (worship service), and watching those incredibly special children of God sing and tell us their stories actually had the tears FLYING off of my face. It was so, so inspiring. And then to go to primary and hear the older kids talk about the very special feeling they had in that meeting and have them recognize that it was the Holy Ghost testifying that God loves His children, and hearing them express love for everyone -- because we are ALL different -- was so tender. We sang a beautiful song that is called "I'll Walk With You." It is one of my very, very favorites. It talks about being strong and a friend for those who might walk or talk differently or might have other differences -- that we can be like Jesus and treat everyone as He would. I asked the kids specific questions about the song, and one was "Do we walk away from people who are different then we are?" Of course they gave a big loud NO! "So how do we treat them?" I asked. One boy in K.J.'s class raised his hand and enthusiastically answered "We be AWESOME to them!!!" Oh. My. I told him I was borrowing that term and was now going to use it in my daily life. We just be awesome to those that need us. Which is, face it, everyone. We all need each other.
The Double B received many kind words and left feeling so thankful to have been part of a congregation that is truly a family. We came home and packed some more. Well, he packed and I laid on the bed and watched him pack because my head was SO mad at me for all the salty fireworks. Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom. And I felt so -- vulnerable. Only word for it. Really. Watching him get ready to lead us in a grand adventure.

We had a wonderful visit at my parents and played the Double B's favorite game: Hand and Foot. Trina and my Dad beat us, which was not the plan. The Double B swore vengeance the next time we are all together. It felt like just another Sunday night, and in fact, he headed out to the car and was ready to get in until I asked "Aren't you going to go say goodbye?" He stopped surprised and said "I honestly just didn't think of that." Like he would be back next week for the rematch. But he won't be. He'll be mid-westing it. After watching teary eyed from the corner, we headed for his parents.
The Double B's parents are a little older, especially his dad. In fact, his Dad will be 88 in just a couple of weeks. It is hard to leave when your Dad is so elderly. But we had a great visit. He asked his Dad to give him a Father's Blessing. His Dad was surprised and touched. He isn't very stable on his feet, so there was some discussion if he could stay up, but he just got a good grip on the Double B's head and gave a very nice blessing. He told the Double B that all would be well -- that he will travel safely, find kind people of our faith that will help him, and that we will be able to make many friends there and enjoy our life just like we do here. He thanked Heavenly Father for the opportunity the Double B has been given. It was really a beautiful picture. My big grown up husband with his black hair sitting on a chair with arms folded and his Dad, a little more feeble and white haired, with his hands on his head blessing him. I closed my eyes for a moment, but then couldn't help but watch the beautiful scene. In fact, I believe it is a picture I will remember forever. As I was enjoying the moment, K.J. on my lap and Katee on Grandma Kate's, I saw Olivia, who had been standing in the corner, start to walk over to me. She hissed "Mom! Mom!" I shushed her, but she looked at me with a very stern look on her face and then gave me the signal -- two fingers out and pointed to me, then pressing them against her own eyes -- she was letting me know that I needed to close my eyes. I couldn't help but smile, but I obeyed -- most of the way. I was squinting to see what she would do. She walked with great satisfaction back to her corner, knowing she had done her duty, and then watched to make sure I kept my eyes closed for the rest of the blessing. What a girl.

Daddy is heading to Denver for the night and will then continue on, hopefully making it early enough in the evening tomorrow night to get into Costco and meet the new people he will be working with. Then the search begins. And when he finds us our new house, we will join him. If possible, he will fly out to get us, but because of the holiday season and how busy his department will be, it is more likely my willing and gracious parents get to road trip us out there to reunite as a family.
Either way. We'll be happy to be with our Daddy again.


Jen said...


I am sad to see you guys go, but delighted at the prospect of new things, new opportunities, growth, and all that other good stuff that will come along with the hard parts of it. I wish you guys well and am glad you will still be blogging. At least, you better. Or else. :)

Tara said...

You are amazing. It is hard to leave family. I really struggled when we moved for school I can't imagine leaving knowing it will be fairly long term. Not that I know if we will be closer to family anytime soon myself though. I have also had to part ways with Tim twice for work and it is never easy. You are in my prayers and I wish the Double B the best of luck in his new job and in his search for a home so you can join him soon. I'm excited to hear all about your new adventures.

Elise said...

I am envious of your upcoming adventure. Is that weird? Being husbandless is no picnic. At first. And then you adjust. And then you get your husband back and you remember how sloppy they are. But it's still nice to have them around, I suppose. ;)

You will be in my prayers tonight when I can't sleep because I'm worried about people. This is my 1:00 AM ritual. Hang in there, Marie. :)

Matt said...

So I call Ben tonight as he is just outside of Denver and after small talk with him well and say goodbye. All at once after speaking to him I was 17 again. He would pick me up in his old Ford Ranger, and we would go to Sunrise Market for Jerky and Gatorade. We are half a life time older now, and he is still my friend. He is by far one the greatest men I know, and I am glad he is the one taking you on this adventure. He is a honest and solid. He is Ben Burdette the town boyscout of La Verkin, UT! Three Cheer For Ben Burdette, and Hoorah Hoorah Hoorah for Isreal!

Ducksoup said...

i am so happy you posted. I have had you on my mind for days wondering how things were going. Not sure why but after reading your beautiful post it made my heart hurt. Going away is hard but once you are there all is well ;). It's just when you visit and have to say goodbyes then your heart will hurt again. Luckily that heart pain only lasts a day or two. Your "grand adventure" will be awesome.

Hope Ben travels safely and that the house hunt goes fabulous. I miss you already. I sent you an e-mail this morning about the apt in KS. It sounds like you are looking for a house though so it may not even matter.

I bet Ben's Dad giving him a blessing was such a beautiful sight. I think it was a great idea to open your eyes.

Love you Rie! You are the absolute best ever!