Monday, February 18, 2013

Monday = Immature

Things I am not mature about today:

1) Katelyn. She makes me so mad sometimes I just want to throttle her. This morning, for instance. She causes me to raise my voice, and I'm not really one to naturally do that. But she brings it out of me. I am yelling like an insane person after her evil deeds and she simply doesn't care. And then she decides she cares, and stands in the corner and screams and wails to let me know I have hurt her feelings. That does not touch my hard heart. It just makes me more angry. So I leave the room or banish her forthwith. Sometimes I am an awesome Mom. Sometimes I am not.
Oh well.

2) The clouds hurling over my house. It is interesting to get used to the sky over the great plains. As a girl who grew up next to a towering mountain, and then mountains and plateaus, it is strange to watch the sky do its thing over this vast expanse. Every time it's cloudy and stormy and the clouds are hurling by, my ear is pricked just in case there are sirens. I just need more great plains experience, and then I will have this down and not worry QUITE so much every time it is stormy outside. Experience is very valuable.

3) Directions are a little iffy out here. I usually just don't think about it, and then it doesn't bother me to not know what way I am facing. But we recently discovered our backyard faces southwest, which just happens to be the direction of our families. I realized this morning that I spend a lot of time looking out that way, usually when I have a quiet moment. Not really thinking anything usually, just looking. I don't know if that is immature or instinctual. Either way, it doesn't make me feel sad. It's just sort of a heart-sting thing, mainly. The Double B and I will talk about "home," but I try to refer to where we live now as "home" to our children -- as adults it seems a little easier for us to compartmentalize things related to that. So the Double B and I can talk to each other and refer to "home" as where our families are and where we grew up and know that it doesn't affect the happiness of our "home" now, because we're not living our lives consumed with going back there right this second. But for our kids, I think it is helpful to be a little more careful. When we talk, "home" is where WE are. That is easier to understand, or at least makes it more of a reality for them that is where we are right now and where we will stay for right now.

I am just Marie. Let's face it.

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