Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Sometimes I Really Am Amazed

This morning I realized that yesterday my prayers were answered. I sent an SOS, and the Lord responded. He is so subtle, too -- asking us to be sensitive enough to recognize His hand in all things -- otherwise, we miss it.
It's not a big deal, really, in the grand scheme of things. But to me it is. It's a big deal.

"I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." -- David A. Bednar

Things are rough sometimes for everybody. And that includes us, too. It's hard right now. The Double B is under such a tremendous burden at work that it has laid him low -- sometimes very low. That's hard. It reverberates. He is such a champion! I admire him and love him so much, and profoundly appreciate the things he has gone through the last year to provide for our family! I feel like the growth we have experienced as a family is huge. (Growth almost always bites the big one, really, let's be honest. And yet, is valuable, blah blah blah.) Normally I feel strengthened to help carry his burden -- to help him lift it. Sometimes he seems to take it all on, like he is Atlas, and the world literally depends on him to carry all of its burdens. So I try to help lift. I try really hard to make our home his refuge from the storm.
There's been lots of discouragement the last couple weeks. It begins to seem so endless, and you begin to feel so powerless. It's like I could feel my strength seeping out of me. I didn't know how to have the strength to do my part anymore. To be strong enough to hold up him and our family and carry on in our responsibilities.
I would go to my Father in Heaven in prayer and try to explain the situation. I asked for strength to not become discouraged myself. I asked for help for the Double B, to carry him through this time, to work miracles in his behalf. And to help me have an understanding heart.
A few days ago the feeling just came so strong that I needed to talk to my Dad. That my Dad would know what to say to me, would have the advice I need, and would know how to help me get through and do what I need to do. I tried to call but he was working, so I just sent a text to tell him I love him and went to bed.
Yesterday morning I woke up so discouraged and headachy. I just didn't see any sunshine, and snapped at the kids all morning as they were getting ready for school. Poor things. As I was driving to school I had a little conversation with myself. My rational side reminded my emotional side that my children ARE NOT my safe place. They are not the place I can be on my worst behavior because they will love me anyway. No. They are not my safe place. I am THEIR safe place. I am the source of love and strength and kindness and nurturing in their life. I am meant to be my Savior's hands, the one sent to for them. As I felt the frustration leave my body I sincerely apologized to them. And they promptly forgave me and loved me. It is so obvious why the Savior commands us to be like little children!
I was thinking about my Dad and wanting to talk to him, but with the time difference, I didn't dare call yet in case I woke him up.
I dropped them of and headed to sonic for a drink to nurse my head (any excuse for the delicious soda pop, really). And I just kept thinking about my Dad, knowing that he could help me feel better. And on the way home, my cell phone rings. My Dad's ringtone is "Love Will Keep Us Alive," by his favorite band, The Eagles. The first words I heard sing to me with his call were "Don't you worry, sometimes you've just got to let it ride." Ironic, yes? I quickly grabbed the phone like "DAD?!?!" I was so happy to hear his voice! I told him how much I was thinking about him and wanting to talk to him, and he said I'd just been on his mind all night and morning and he knew he needed to call me!
I know that the Spirit is the one that influenced my Dad to think of me and call me.
We had a great talk. We counseled together, and I sniff, sniff, sniffed through the conversation. He gave me the wise words I needed, the confidence I needed, the encouragement I needed, and soothed me with the powerful assurance that he and my Mom are praying for our little family.
Parents are simply the best thing out there.
After we hung up, I felt still. I felt so comforted! I felt that it would be no problem for me to continue to lift and strengthen my husband and my family. I felt at peace, knowing that my earthly Father and my HEAVENLY Father are thinking of me.
And here's what is funny.
I felt better for the rest of the day. I feel better today. It was like the feelings of desperation just melted away.
Pretty big answer to prayer.

Sometimes our prayers are simply answered through another person.
So yes -- kind of a small thing on the planetary scale. But yet another powerful witness in my life that somehow, someway, I don't know how He does it but He does, DEFINITELY, I am a daughter of God and HE. LOVES. ME. The fact that He takes the time to let me know that sometimes in a most special, individual way -- humbles me to my very soul, and makes me eternally grateful. What a merciful being that brought me into this life.
So thanks, Heavenly Father.
And thanks, Dad.

"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other."  -- Spencer W. Kimball


Addwin Net said...
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Kyle, Alicia, and Jaxson said...

Hi Marie,

Thanks for sharing! As someone who has had to lift up her husband and little family for the past 7 years, it's hard. The beauty is: it's possible to do that and feel peace. Yes, it is SO exhausting, and can feel as though we are alone. But as you know, we are never alone, and our Heavenly Father loves us, just like you wrote. You're awesome Marie, you got this!


Ps. Happy Birthday to KJ tomorrow! Yay!

Ducksoup said...

most beautiful post ever. what a testimony of prayer. you inspire me like no other. think you need to give a talk in general conference. will probably be the general primary president someday. please don't think about that right now though. i don't want to stress you out or anything but your righteousness is just so, so good and so evident. i loved hearing how your dad called you and saved your day. he is so good and so are you. i love you. good luck with the holiday bakery craziness. lots of love. FC

Matt said...

In the course of this life as we are spirits having a human experience love matter more aches and pains. Marie, your husband loves your deeply and he is in a great internal struggle I am certain. I know the feeling of the Altas kind of life... Its not heavy it is crushing. So we return to what we know and what the Lord has given us. We return home in every sense. You are at a great distance now, but distance is a imagined space in the realm of love and spiritual aid. I wish I could protect you from life in my own aggressive clumsy way, and I wish the same for Double B. I am reminded of an experience I had on my mission. (yep another one, know sit down!) We were in Western Maryland tucked neat the Penn border covering a set of small towns. We walked a lot to save miles on our care, and were desperate to find success. We found only one man to teach in my 4 months in that area. He was a disabled firefighter living alone on a farm 4 miles or so from the town we lived in passed a endless amount of Tabaco fields. He was a great man who we felt was a golden contact. We got through 4 of the 6 visits with him. When we approached his house late one evening to teach our 5th we found only a plastic bag on his door with all of our materials. The note simply said. . . I can not meet with you anymore, please understand and go away. It was a gut punch at the time that laid me low. I remember the walk back in the dark. The moon was huge and the walk was silent. There were two of us walking home physically, but I assure you that walk was not taken alone, and neither is your walk sis. Walk on. Forgive, love, and seek support. I miss you, but distance is just on a map. Head up, Heart forward.