Wednesday, January 29, 2014


I get confused sometimes about my stance on social issues. Does that ever happen to you? Some of these big issues, I just honestly DO NOT KNOW. I know how I Should feel, maybe, but not how I really feel. I just can't seem to sift through it. I see both sides very well. I understand why the opposing sides feel the way that they do, and feel compassion when I hear their experiences and why they feel that way. All my life, even as a child, if you tell me something that has hurt you, I'll probably cry that you experienced that pain. Maybe not with you, because that might not be what you need, but later I will feel very troubled over it. This has continued throughout my journey. Sometimes I have to choose to block things out or not to take in someone's experience, because I don't have the emotional energy for it. That has been it's own ball of wax. But I believe I was actually designed this way to help me love people. I never really saw it as a problem for my brain until recently! But it does get very confusing in a very angry time in our world. It is a very, very polarizing time, I don't think anyone would argue with that. You're either for me or against me seems to be written all over our hearts. What if I'm for something but NOT AGAINST anyone? What if achieving your goal means absolutely crushing another human being? I just don't know. I really do not. Sometimes I feel like I am at an impasse, restricted by my commitments in a way that I really can NOT decide. Like it is actually physically impossible. But I've never, ever been a fence sitter. It's just not my way. So I guess I keep digging until I figure it out for my own personal self.
The end of my thoughts for today. Go eat some chocolate.

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