So this happened:
We did it! We survived! Nay, we conquered!
It was definitely a new, big experience for me.
I was just a ball of nerves that night -- deep breathing on the way to the church. Big case of stage fright, essentially! And when it was over, I had no way of measuring how it had really gone... I still felt nervous, vulnerable, and totally exhausted. The Double B had difficulty understanding why after telling me it was great I still had to come back and ask and ask and ask. He was a little frustrated that I just didn't believe him! Finally I reminded him that he is my ONLY validation out here. He is the only person in this place that I can go to asking for reassurance over the annoying little details, and such. He's my only safe person that saw it. My parents and brothers -- who are trained up in how to reassure Marie -- weren't there. The Double B is not a words of affirmation person -- I could tell him once it was great, he would believe it, end of discussion forever. I practically need validation for air. Sad, perhaps, but nonetheless true!
Thankfully, three days later, I feel great about it. It wasn't perfect, but I really believe after watching it back that it stands up under scrutiny and was certainly as lovely as any dance recital I've been to. And I think I accomplished my goal in making it low stress and lots of fun for the kids I taught. I am so proud of those kids. It was such a fun thing and they were so excited to show their stuff! In reality, even though certain aspects of teaching these classes this year has been hard and sometimes not my first choice -- it really is, in many ways -- a dream come true. I lived a dream I carried within me. So that is super awesome! I'm very, very, very thankful for the experience and acknowledge with my whole heart to Heavenly Father that it was His doing and I am the grateful, grateful recipient. He is amazing, how He can help us and provide amazing, unexpected opportunities in our lives.
It was cute. Really. I'm so relieved!
KJ and Olivia were absolutely fantastic!!! I am so proud of them! On the way into church today Olivia said something along the lines of "I wish it was the night before the performance again! I wish we could do that again so much -- it was so fun!" That meant a lot to hear that, that she had a great experience. I had many kind friends tell me that they had fun watching my kids shine. Sweet, kind compliments for them. Olivia is really a natural, and KJ loves it so much.
What has really, really impressed me about my kids through this is that they understand that Mommy has obligations to the other kids, and they are so patient through it. After the performance, they had to wait quite a while -- probably half an hour, realistically -- before I had the opportunity to give Olivia her red roses (she's a very disciplined hint-dropper... they needed to be roses and they needed to be RED) and KJ his Lego set, hold them each close and tell them individually how wonderful they were and how honestly proud I was of all their hard work. They waited so patiently and were just thrilled when it was their moment. I thought that said so much about them and their level of support and understanding.
Kate, being three, couldn't wait for the opportunity to stake her claim on Mommy -- as soon as the show was over, she pushed her way through the masses to pull on my leg "I so hungry! So hungry! Mommy, I soooo tired!" Etc., etc. I tried to acknowledge her each time, knowing that is what she needed, but she was pretty persistent. Kind of cracked me up. She has no desire at all the perform or take class -- but what is so funny, is in the middle of doing something else she'll say "Mom, look, a plié!" or "Mom, I can do a pirouette!" And sure enough, she does it with excellent form. So funny. I love that each one of them is their own extremely special person.
So that is that. Pretty awesome! And now we have a nice long summer to have a baby and relax before starting again in the fall. Yay for both of those things!
In other news, I finally, finally, finally finished the Old Testament! I think I may need to get a temporary tattoo that says "I DID IT, B.C. STYLE." It was no easy cheese for Marie, quite honestly. It's taken a long time -- the earliest reference I could find was March 2011, when I wrote that I had finished the books of the laws and was to Deuteronomy. So at least three years! I was slow going! But I did it and I'm glad. Yep. I did it and I'm glad.
So, you know. Big happenings around these parts.