9:58

Brothers from the same Mother.

It's fun to see a baby grow and develop. Benson is becoming more and more of a happy guy as he takes in the world around him. He loves to play! Anyone that will play with him, he loves loves loves that. He also feels very serious about dinner time and loves hands -- his and everyone elses. He's a gem.

Olivia is still Miss Helper of the Universe. I'd asked her to keep an eye on Bens for me, and when I came back, she'd arranged him nice and snug so they could enjoy a show together. Ha ha! Two birds, one stone. 

Speaking of Olivia, she wasn't feeling well yesterday and spent the whole day snuggled in on Mom's side of the bed, watching Johnny Test. Poor little dear. Katelyn made sure to give her "get well" snuggles, as Olivia is pretty much the most important person in her life (why yes, that is a collection of caffeine-free Diet Coke and a half painted wall behind her. Thank you for noticing!)

We had the sister missionaries over for dinner last night and had a great time. Sister Oleson and Sister Merrit. They are both adorable girls, 19 years old and rockin' the prophets call to serve. Honestly, being great big and pregnant and then having a new baby last year, I didn't feed the missionaries like I'd like. So that is actually my resolution this year -- to feed them often and get back involved. We're trading off elders and sisters about once a week, so it's working out great. This Tuesday is our new elders birthday, and he specifically requested we feed him that night, ha ha. So we'll have cupcakes and ice cream and it will be fun. It makes us happy to contribute to the work in this small way, plus, it is an enormous blessing to have the enthusiasm of faithful missionaries in our home! After the sisters left, BB and KJ and Liv actually helped me clean up (which was awesome!) and when I looked down the stairs, I saw this scene of Kate and Benson playing. It was so cute. It's blurry because I'm just terrible with my phones camera, but you can still see that happy smile of a beloved little brother:

Today the Double B was off and we went on an adventure down to the Kansas side of the metro to get him a couple of new Sunday suits at a great sale. Katelyn and Andrew were having pretty funny conversations in the backseat, but at one point I heard Katelyn say "Guess what, Wandrew. My Grandma is a Mom! And my Grandpa is a Dad! But they don't have any kids!" I laughed and told her "Actually, Katee, they do have kids, but their kids are just grown ups now." Her eyes got big and she goes "Ooooohhhhh..." It was really cute. That girl talks, talks, talks, talks, talks. And asks question after question after question! Her mind is constantly going.

She took this picture at KJ's Scout awards night, and when I saw it after everyone had gone to bed, my heart just melted:

I'm such a lucky Mom.

We went to some friends house tonight for dinner and games. It was a lot of fun. It was so interesting, because KJ did not go off and play with the kids. He was perfectly delighted to sit on the couch and visit with the grown-ups, to laugh loudly at the grown-ups jokes, then play games with the grown-ups! It was so strange to me. I have this child that is beginning to transition in his life, and it's just absolute craziness to me. Too weird.

We did have a nice time, with such kind and good people. The Mom, Jessie, is just a marvelous gal. I could spend all day with her! We have similar warped senses of humor, and it entertains us both. But as we were pulling away to drive home, I was filled with the heaviest loneliness. And that kind of made me angry. I am just so SICK of that feeling. It just seems to have been with me for so long and I am so over it! I can truly say that I have worked so hard to put down roots here, that we have a wonderful life here, that I choose happiness every single day, that I look at the cup as more then half full, that I live in the present, that I count my many blessings. But the feeling remains. It's not always there, but when it shows up, it's powerful. The thought "I want to go HOME" seems to just get louder and louder in my head. The short-term me that wants immediate results and can't see long-term sometimes feels really quite annoyed about it, to be honest. That's right, folks. I'll be petty here! The other half of me realizes how very much we've learned and grown, the progress we've made, the blessings we've received, and knows that the Lord is mindful of us and always has our long-term best to offer us if we are obedient. But you know what? Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes I just want to go home. And... scene.

My brother Matt informed me tonight that the lost brain cells I have post baby have an actual medical term: "Brain fog." THAT. MAKES. SO. MUCH. SENSE. That's exactly what it feels like, too! Sorry about the fog, everybody. I'll turn on my fog lights and we should make it through just fine!

Can't wait for a long Saturday with my kiddos tomorrow. Yay for Saturdays! Enter to learn, Go forth to Serve, and all that good stuff. The End!