Monday, March 16, 2015


This is a beautiful gift made for me by my illustrious four year old:
Very sweet and kind. 
I've been worried a lot about Katelyn lately. She's just not totally herself -- she's always been emotional, passionate, stubborn, which are all great things -- but lately she's seemed more "angry" then anything else. She gets so frustrated so quickly. Like zero to sixty. She'll scream, push, yell, be aggressive, and speak in a very angry way. Essentially, she's started to throw fits again. This can be very aggrevating, and my trigger response is anger right back. You can see how this is getting us nowhere. So I've been praying. Praying to know how to handle her, how to guide her, too help us be inspired so we can be the parents she needs. Because she really is a very sweet, loving girl. A delightful, funny, sensitive creature. 
See? Just look how happy she was to find grandma and grandpa's house on Google maps! This is a very funny and clever angel girl. 
The last week or so I've come across several things -- articles, other people making observations, conference talks, etc., that have entered my background thoughts on Kate the Great. I think the Spirit had been trying to guide me. A few days ago it was to help her vocalized her feelings -- to try to step back and help her find words for them while I actively listened. Yesterday it was that she needed a strong increase in love. Much more. Today it was again how much she needs extra love, and that I need to validate her and build her confidence in her own great qualities: to tell her over and over again that she really IS so kind, so good, such a good friend and loving sister. 
Tonight after bedtime I could hear an argument escalating between the girls until Katelyn was hysterical. It's like she really doesn't know how to process all of her emotions right now. I went upstairs and asked them each to explain what was happening. When Olivia told her side, Kate broke down... she just doesn't agree with what is being said and I think was afraid I wouldn't understand her side of things. So I helped resolve the problem with everybodies stuffed animals, and got her tucked back into bed. I told her how sweet she is, how precious she is to me, and how much I want to help her to not feel sad but to feel happy. 
Katelyn has never been one to love hugs and kisses and often protests, so I think somewhere along the line I let myself come under the impression that she doesn't need them, doesn't desire for me to cuddle her and mug on her. I learned tonight how wrong I've been. The message was clearly given to ask her if she'd like more hugs and kisses. She said yes. I laid next to her and put my head on her heart and spoke quietly of how much she means to me. I asked her if she wanted me to give her the cheek kisses I give Benson. She said yes. So I gave her cheek little pitter patters of kisses. She loved it! Her eyes calmed and she smiled happily. So I asked her if she wanted me to kiss her other cheek, the answer was yes. Her forehead, yes. I taught her the Eskimo kiss. And gave more hugs. It's like I could feel her whole little spirit go peaceful and still. Her little eyes stayed on me the rest of the time, seeming to seek that comfort and stillness, until beginning to drift shut. 
As I climbed into bed I felt both happy and sad. Happy that I feel we reached a big milestone. That I am hopefully coming to understand something big about this special little girl. Hopeful for her happiness. But sad that I didn't realize how much she truly does need my mother arms, even when she doesn't express it like the others. I won't focus on that -- I didn't understand and now I do. I will; however, have faith that I am the perfect mother for this tiny human -- because God made me her mother. 
I love her so much. 

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