Thursday, March 5, 2015

Motherhood. Also, Bananas.

At the bottom of this post, you will see a picture. This was Olivia's outfit today. I particularly like the addition of the striped pants -- it really adds something to the pink lace. We just go with it most days. 

That reminds me of a little story. My mom could tell it better. When my parents were here after Benson was born and the Double B's family flew out to surprise him, we were going to visit Adam-ondi-Ahman and I asked Olivia to change clothes. She came out with something interesting on that required an adjustment, and she had to go back and try again. My mom found her in her room, sniffling about how her Mom and Dad just don't understand, don't listen to her. Ha ha ha. I enjoyed that story. Bless her heart! Today, though, I listened, man. Look at those striped pants.

Motherhood is my greatest challenge. For 99% of the time, I love it so much. I really do. I love being a mom, which just never ceases to surprise me! I really didn't think I'd be a Mom at this age, much less at 20. It just wasn't in the plan. But thankfully God opened my eyes and gave me courage, and here I am. I'm so glad. So eternally grateful. But still. Hard job. Best job. But hard job.
Some days I just fail so spectacularly, some days I get it so right. Today was a "meh" day. I did okay. Nothing to write home about. I've been trying to reclaim the children's bedrooms from the abyss -- since Benson was born I haven't been able to keep as tight a reign on keeping them on task there as I'd like, but I'm ready to drill sergeant again! However; the rooms are so bad there was no way they'd get it done alone. So I excavated (only a slight exaggeration) Olivia's room yesterday. And today was working on the toy room, but Kate and Wandrew were literally undoing faster then I could do! When I finally got them on my team and it was time to get ready for preschool, I came out and they had taken a box of toys and spread them from heck to breakfast in the nice clean kitchen and front room. I was intensely annoyed. It was at that moment I knew it was time to leave the house and see civilisation again. See, it doesn't really matter. I love, love a clean house but aren't children supposed to play? Yes. Isn't that what toys are for? Totally.
But honestly.
I don't get out and about much these days. So after they climbed onto the bus, Benson and I headed over to the great and dazzling wonderland that is Target and wandered up and down, up and down. He was so good, smiling at me or looking around, chewing on his binky, and figuring out a new trick where he can have both his binky and his finger in his mouth at the same time! Pretty exciting stuff. I felt relaxed, planning Easter baskets, buying bananas, and feeling no crunch of time or guilt for not being up and doing like I do at home. I took time to see the lovely day. It was nice. We were there for like an hour and a half, too, perfectly content.
It was a nice little visit. Thank you, makers of Target.

I never really thought I'd be the Mom that feels guilty, but darned if I'm not that Mom sometimes. My thoughts are constantly ON motherhood, too. Is our family complete? Is it not? Could I even do this again? I can barely do it now! Is the house clean, is dinner ready, how come I never make it to the temple, dang it's already Tuesday again, do I listen enough, do I read to them enough, is there too much tv, did I lose all my brain cells, I remember I used to be smart, how can I help supplement our income, am I cheerful enough with them, do i appreciate each moment, why did I lose my temper like that, and on, and on, and on.

In other news, I've been needing bananas this week but they just never make it home. I bought two big bushels of bananas today -- and so did the Double B. There are now four large bushels of bananas on my kitchen counter.
I should be all set.

The end. 

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