Tuesday, September 15, 2015


My precious boys. 
So endearing to watch them play together. KJ loves Benson so much and is so good to him. Benson loves KJ so much and gets so excited when he sees him and wants to play. 
This week Benson has figured out that "Mama" and "Dada" are our names. It's like you could just see the light bulb flick on. Mama is still hard for him to say, but he loooves to say Dada. He usually wakes up from his morning nap to Dada being home (BB starts work at 2 a.m.), but today he woke up early. As soon as I  went to get him, he starts pumping his legs as he stands in the crib "Dada! Dada!" He called for his Dad all the way down the stairs and was not too happy with me when he wasn't there yet. He is a great imitator. And he's started saying "Hi!" Over and over again, because he just loves getting a response back so much. He is also so thrilled that he understands what KJ wants when he asks for a "five." Started waving out of the clear blue sky about three weeks ago and now waves to say hi and bye. He pulls himself up to everything, tries to get into everything, and started moving along the furniture -- still shaky -- this week. He is growing by leaps and bounds! So tall and morphing out of baby into toddler. Sigh. He keeps us on our toes. Benson is so mischievous. He LOVES when he knows that he shouldn't be getting into something and just laughs and laughs! He also has a great love for electrical outlets.
Oh boy. Babies! So fun and so exhausting.
I wrestle trying to know if our family is complete. I know most mom's do this. In many ways, I feel myself ready to move on to the next phase. And maybe that's part of the answer right there? I don't know if I'm ready to say I'll never have the experience of having a tiny baby again, don't know if my body could honestly survive another pregnancy. I also know that Benson was a gift when we honestly thought we might not have another. So four is amazing! Four is a lot! I'm so grateful for that. When do you know? I wrestle. And I don't know if it's a stupor of thought because I'm trying to get the wrong answer, or if it's just the wrestle all mom's must have to receive their answer. I don't know! Sheesh. Really -- what I really, really want -- is just to do what the Lord wants me to do. 
But it is getting time -- I find myself searching for ways to create and express myself. And dreaming of accomplishing some long dreamed of goals I've put on hold. Specifically those last two semesters between me and my fancy, shiny degree from Brigham Young University. It's calling my name. So I find myself thinking, in four years, Benson will be in school. And I want to be ready to hit the ground running. The idea of it is exciting. 

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