Friday, December 16, 2016

I'm Actually Old.

I WAS under the impression that I'm still young.
I used to believe that.
Until three days ago, I blissfully went around believing I was just a little south of a spring chicken.
I am no longer under that impression.

I threw out my back.
I guess.
I don't know if that is the correct terminology here.
But poof!
One minute I was sitting all youngish on the arm of the couch, talking to my mom-in-law and Sabrina, as they stopped by before an eye appointment. The next minute I stood up and instantly died a thousand back deaths. Not sure what happened there, but I got them out the door with a smile and then hunched over to my certain death and waddled to my couch, where I stayed. It's Friday, and every day is a little better. But basically what I could do all this time is sit. And lay.
So now I know that I'm old.

You should see my house.

The Double B has been helpful, but he's over it. I can see his sympathy is used up, and yesterday the children got a beautiful lecture about how he had loaded the dishwasher three times that day.
It's probably wrong to feel a little validated about how yes, thank you, I do keep this small planet rotating.

KJ had his winter concert last night and did great.
Liv had parent teacher Wednesday and is a wonderful human being.
Katelyn let me put four braids in her hair yesterday for crazy hair day and that was a real stretch, so I was proud.

Benson is a beast of a human today. I just put him down for his nap and THANK HEAVENS. It has been all I could do to let the child live. After he dumped the bag of flour into the carpet and pressed it in all over the place, I'd officially had it. I am so impressed with myself that I let him survive. This parenting thing is just so tough sometimes. No one can bring you greater joy and no one can destroy your happiness in quite the same way. Battle Benson is being waged, and I know this trench warfare will continue for quite some time. But I've done it before and will remember this to shall pass when he's evil, since he is so precious and adorable the majority of the time. (Note: the Double B says he's never "evil" and I probably shouldn't say that. I think they need more quality time together.) (Note: Sorry, Adult Benson. You were absolutely perfect and the answer to many prayers. That's true.)

Spending plenty of time thinking about what I want to do when I grow up. I am excited but perplexed. I knew what I wanted to be from a very young age -- an actor. That is it. That was all. So now that I have picked something else for the usual starting career years of my life, I don't even know if that is still a possibility at all. I need something that is basically during school time, but I don't know if I want to be a teacher. I just go back and forth, back and forth. I know I have time to work it out, but I never had this wrestle when I was young because I just knew. So it's very confusing. Too bad my interests didn't have more variety when I was younger. But I have always done my best, so how can I fault young Marie for having such love and passion for theater? I can't. I liked that girl. I just don't know what I should do. Any ideas? I want to finish my senior year of college first. Only two semesters. That's what I want to do. The Double B is not a huge fan of this idea since it will cost a lot of money and I don't even know if I'll use it. But damn it (I know. I said it.). Sometimes your life goal has to win. Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But sometimes.
That's what I'm thinking, anyway. We shall see what happens in the future. Either way, I know I'll have tried my hardest so the outcome isn't as important as the effort and love that went into it.

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