Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Friday, January 29, 2016
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Monday, January 18, 2016
After church today Olivia felt like she needed a rest, so she told Katelyn to set the timer for THREE HOURS, and then they could play. Katelyn came to spend those three hours with me while we checked the timer on my phone several times. But she never bothered Livi about it once! She was dedicated to the plan.
The timer went off right before dinner, so after we ate the ever-popular meatball stroganoff, they got busy chasing each other around the circle of walls downstairs and up and down stairs. It was pretty cute. After I finished the dishes and my sweetie pie worked on a loaf of bread (he's our bread maker, which is cute), I asked Kate if she wanted to watch the new video from Cute Girls Hairstyles on YouTube, which we love to do together -- it's one of our "things". She settled right in on the arm of the couch while KJ played his computer game and Liv played on the stairs with Benson. After picking out a couple of extras to watch, Liv wondered over and whispered in Kates ear. Then they ran up the stairs! The Double B finished and headed upstairs to cross stitch and KJ and I visited for awhile while Benson played until he was ready for bedtime. I got him changed and tucked into bed and went to visit with my sweetie for a minute after giving the kids their ten minute warning for bed. Then the most magical sound came down the halls -- my girls belting out their latest inspirational and favorite hit song at the top of their lungs "I'm gonna stand by you, even if we're breaking down..." -- lots of vocal trills and tricks to go along with it. I went to peak and Liv was diligently working on doing one of the bun tutorials we'd watched on Katelyn's hair. The only trouble is the girl in the video had thick brown hair and Kate has thin blond hair, which we know is a totally different rodeo. It was so cute to see them working hard on their secret plan.
Earlier tonight Liv said to me "I just don't know if Katelyn and I have had any quality time together today -- I think I'm going to make tomorrow a sisters day!" Katelyn will be thrilled with this news!
Being a Mom is a lot of hard work, but it's got some awesome perks! I love this little family of mine.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
I have a conflict.
I love Sunday. I want Sunday to truly be the Sabbath Day in my mind and in my heart.
Also, I love primary. I'm good at primary.
More then primary, I love my children. They deserve my very best self.
The conflict is, by the time I get the children ready for church, get done being my most patient self with primary, and feed everyone, I am DONE. I'm out of patience. Out. Out of it. It is gone. So my kids get the mealy leftovers of Mom.
I DEEPLY CRAVE SILENCE.
So often times, I'm after my kids all day because I used up what I had in primary. I have a sensory issue with noise that gets worse the older I get, and the noise of even my own four kids can deeply overwhelm me. The noise of a whole bunch of kids... is hard. It really scrambles my thoughts and upsets me a lot even though I have a smile on my face, so by the time I'm home, I often snap. I wish I was different, and I keep working on it. But what it really means is, for the last four years of this particular primary stint my kids get half (or a fourth or an eighth some Sundays) of a Mom on their Sabbath afternoon. No stories or cuddles, because I can't handle the simulation. I just want to be alone and tolerate company as best I can. I think that's why I sometimes feel discouraged that primary appears to be my auxiliary, because I'm afraid we'll always deal with this. I actually had to take anti-anxiety medication when I was called into primary again in August. My kids deserve a loving Sabbath Mom. But I'm being honest when I say that only some of it is in my control. Hard to explain, but still true. So I guess I'll keep working at what IS in my control.
I told the Lord I'd give everything I have in His service, and if that means giving up a little Sunday sanity, so be it! I will keep trying to dig deep into the reservoir of patience and will keep trying to be better every week. Working to find my own personal Sabbath Day in here, too.