Sunday School on Saturday

This afternoon I was being a lazy bum, laying on my bed and reading, enjoying the thunder. Livi walked in at that moment, carrying the Book of Mormon I read out of right now. She said "Mommy, you want me to read you Book of Mormon?" Of course, I said "Of course!" and she held it open, mumbling as she 'read,' then looked up and said "Heavenly Father loves you so much, Mommy." I smiled at the reminder and said "You are right, Livi."
She 'read' on, mumbling and then gasped "Mommy, it says Jesus loves me SO MUCH! And... Jesus Christ... and ... Jesus Christ Amen... and look, Mommy! It's the Joseph Smick!" I was thoroughly enjoying myself, so when I reminded her it was Joseph Smith, she goes "Oh yes, oh yes, it is a Joseph Smith. We love him." And then walked out of the room, continuing her scripture study. Out of the mouth of Babes!

Thankful

Thanksgiving has never been the most memorable holiday for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the turkey goodness -- but it's never held the excitement of it's neighbors, Halloween and Christmas. Maybe I didn't have a thankful enough heart. Maybe I was too young to understand just how wonderful a day in a warm house full of food with the people you love most in the whole world can be. Maybe it's because I hadn't yet been taught all the things, painful and wonderful, I have been taught this year.
That being said, it could be any of those reasons that this year, Thanksgiving sounds so wonderful to me. I have so much to be thankful for. I have ten trillion reasons that I can rejoice sitting around that dinner table, even if the feast was generic macaroni and cheese and it was just me and The Double B and our children. That makes me feel ten trillion times luckier that I will be eating a real life Sperry-style Thanksgiving feast, surrounded by my own little family, my wonderful parents, and my three brothers with their families. We have become varying states of awesome chaos -- and it's totally cool.

I love my family. Plain and simple.

I don't dread holidays. I look forward to them. I can't wait until we're all together again, when we're all Home. When we're laughing, crying, angry, happy, sad -- they are all I've got. And I don't need anything more.

The pumpkin pie is already delivered at Grandma's house, and tomorrow morning I'll be making stuffed mushrooms and homemade rolls. Tonight The Double B made creme broulle (I know, I know -- and he's all mine, ladies) and we'll be taking it over for a pie party at our other Grandma's house. Two nephews are running around with Kaje and Liv right now, half watching Star Wars and half wrestling with their funnest uncle. I love this. Chaos reigns. And I love it.

We always spent Thanksgiving with my Mom's side of the family, since it was a pretty casual affair with my Dad's side. I loved being surrounded by cousins and aunts and uncles.So I guess it's only natural that I feel a little lonely for our family Matriarch, there are things to be said. The the way it felt to sit next to her and having her hovering in the kitchen, dipping her finger of steel right into the boiling gravy to make sure the flavor and texture was just right. But I also know just how much she wants us to love Thanksgiving anyway. And personally, her life -- and the fact that I got to be a part of it -- it's one more thing to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope you are all surrounded by people who love you.

When You Have Your Camera

Because I have become a sissy-poo-nanny who sees the clock hit 10:30 only rarely 'cause I'm usually asleep, sitting in a theater waiting for the movie event of my slightly nerdy year was a document worthy event. Here are some pictures:

Proof that I'm not the BIGGEST fan. Seriously though, these are just some ladies I thought were cute so I'm putting them on my blog. Hi, ladies. Thanks for letting me take your picture.

This; however, is Us: the Pink Ladies, neighbors and close friends for over five years. I'm so thankful for these girls in my life! Clockwise: Shawna, Paulette, Trina, and Me. To quote The Beatles "We've been together now for forty years."
I don't understand how Trina always looks adorable in self portraits. What the heck?

Paulette was smart enough to bring a game to help pass the time. This is Shawna's game face, and I couldn't be happier that I have a picture of it and am now sharing it with you.

Cutest picture ever seen of Trina.

It was a blast! I'm so glad we went, but I am so tired right now. And a little nauseous. 'Cause I need to sleep. If only the three good fairies would come and put a sleeping spell over my whole house... sigh.

I really did love the movie. I think maybe you might need to be a fan, but it was so much better then the movie of 'Twilight'! I was completely, utterly, and madly satisfied. Now... if only I had a ticket in my hand for the 2:00 show.

Signing off,

Nerd Marie.

Come join me at the Nerdery!

2:45 AM

Okay, I want... to be... an adult... about this.
I want the adrenaline... forcing me... to type... ellipses... to slow down enough for sleep.
But... I can't.
I just got back from New Moon and... It pretty much is not an exaggeration to say... it blew my mind into a million little pieces... of... happy.
To say the very least, the most spot on book to movie transition I have ever beheld. And... I... am... so... happy.
You know what? I don't want to be mature about this.
Be still my beating heart!

Dear Edward,
Thank you for being you.
Love,
Marie

Dear Benward,
Sorry that I wrote Edward a letter.
You're still the man for me.
Love,
Marie

I Had This Epiphany

I decided the very best thing to do today would be to look at some pictures of my Liv that just crack me up.

She is so funny.

And also, a very talented trouble-maker.

Which is what I like about her. The girl has spunk.

Last night I was sitting there thinking (shocking, I know). I did lots of brain work yesterday, it was actually kind of refreshing. My mind just wanted to try to figure things out, questions I've been thinking about, etc. It was kind of a fun break from the usual I.Q. drain I usually subject myself to. Nice to know there are still a few brain cells left in there.

I had an epiphany. Just for myself. I am the captain of my own soul, so I'm the only person this epiphany applies to, really. You can still think what you want. But for me, this was like POW! Punched me upside the head. And I would have told The Double B about it, but he wouldn't have really agreed, and he was asleep watching his WWII show anyway.

It has really been bothering me lately how we make decisions... who we affect when we do so, and just how important our personal "happiness" really is in the grand scheme of things. For instance, I could make a choice that I think would make me happy, but would make my husband or my children miserable. Is it still the right choice? I don't think so, but it seems like I've been surrounded by people lately who seem to think that is perfectly alright. Especially if you're only sacrificing the happiness of the children. This mystifies me, quite frankly. Since life is not all sunshine and roses, can't we expect to feel some "unhappiness"? Can't we expect to have to sacrifice what is best and easiest for us at the time for the greater good? Won't the protecting of the happiness of the people we love ultimately lead to our best and happiest self? And I'm not talking about in the next life, either. I'm talking about here. I think doing those things will lead to our ultimate best and happiest self here. The thing that has amazed me maybe the most is how often this course of personal happiness is justified by gender... "He can't help it, he's a man and it's different for him." "She's a woman and feels things differently", etc. THIS DRIVES ME WACKO! We're all human beings, right? Of course we have differences, and yes, I believe God made us that way to a certain extent. However; I think most of our differences our culturally enforced. Like a man is excused for his sexual desires or actions because he is a man, and for mysterious reasons, "can not be alone". Like a woman who becomes an object because that is what is expected of her -- I have had so many people tell me lately that is how God made us. And this is what came into my head last night:

Bull.

I do not believe God made us to behave the way we behave. I think he made us knowing we would have faults and strengths, trials and triumphs. I know he gave us certain roles. But that does not mean he MADE us to behave a certain way. We make our own choices. We are captains unto ourselves. We are the ones who allow these excuses to justify our destruction of the happiness of others. And I feel really strongly about this.

Just in case you're wondering.

Sorry, I just had to get that out of me. Anyhow, aren't you glad I posted those pictures of Miss Livi first? It was a purposely snare to get you to still like me! Go look at them again... they are really funny. And I love that she always has something on her face. Who is this girls mother, anyway?

I Was Thinking...

I just have something to say. What is it with Robert Pattinson and the hair thing? Why can't he just leave his hair alone? Didn't he take any ettiquette classes? Doesn't he worry about the fro he is creating? Why must he touch his hair EVERY SECOND? What happens if he goes bald one day?
Dear Robert,
Thank you for playing Edward in 'New Moon.' I admit I have tickets to the midnight showing. But I am very concerned for you. I think you need to seek therapy about the hair thing. Please leave it alone before it's too late.
Your friend even though you don't have any clue I exist which is sort of your loss,
Marie.

I have something else to say. I just got my flu shot. I am so proud of myself. I was very brave. And it didn't really hurt at all, but now my arm feels a little funny around the injection site, you know how that happens when you get the flu shot? I wonder if that is how vaccines feel to small children... do they say to themselves "Wow, I can feel the measles spreading down my chubby thigh -- hope Mom knows what she's talking about!" Livi watched in fascination. But when the lady offered to give her one, she jumped back and said "I... no!" I am so happy to have my flu shot. I'm all about the flu shot and was worried I wouldn't get one this year and would actually just get... the flu. Now I feel superhuman! Plus, the lady didn't give me a bandaid, and I think I'm going to get a little scab. I never outgrew my scab-pride from childhood.
Dear Flu Shot,
Thank you for not messing with your hair. That would freak me out. Please work so I don't get the flu, either regular or swine -- I'm simply not interested.
Your loyal recipient,
Marie.

Livi is wearing a newborn outfit today. I got it as a gift for someone, but she loved it and ripped off the tags, hence negating any possibility of gifting. It's a onesie thing that she unbuttons and wears sortof like a really special tutu. It stops about four inches above her belly button. Some parents would intervene in this fashion choice, but not me. To your own self be true, Liv. If you're feelin' it, more power to you.
Dear State Official,
Can I be reported for this?
Love,
Marie.

Last night I took my children over to my parents house to watch Dancing With The Stars -- I admit it, okay? Poor Donny. I hope someone voted for him, 'cause that was just... lackluster, to say the least. This is not, however, the point of the story. I brought my Dad an orange and he peeled it in the kitchen. His toadie, Livi, was standing with him and watching him with disgust. When he took a bight of his orange she made a gagging noise, pointed to it, and said "Throw...that...away!" It cracked him up, and us up. Honestly, what food does this child approve of? I know I deserve it from my own picky past, but really.
Dear Donny,
I really wish you would have held it together a little better last night. I mean, you are a professional, and part of that is not freaking out so much when you make a mistake. In my community theater opinion.
Love -- your #1 teenage fan's daughter,
Marie.

Speaking of community theater, last night I got very concerned. I realized I am an actor who has not done any acting for almost four years, or any directing for two. Does that mean I am an imposter? Because honestly, how can I have any faith in my acting ability when I don't ever dust it off? I'm a FAKE!!! And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Dear Acting friends,
Maybe you should put together a workshop and I can be a part of it.
Love,
Shakespeare-I'm-Not.

Kaje is having a little trouble focusing at school, and I'm a little worried about him. But I really think it'll all work out and he'll be just fine. He can sound out words -- my son is starting to read!!! -- and is such a smartie. I need to just have faith and encourage him. He is the kindest boy I know. And the most addicted to Star Wars kid I know, too. This morning he had about ten extra minutes and put in A New Hope. You know the part where Luke is stuck in the trash compactor thing and Han says "I've got a bad feeling about this"? Kaje ran into me as I was wiping off counters and yelled "I've got a bad feeling about this, too!" He's hilarious.
Dear Kaje,
I just love you so much. I hope you can always try to be your best, despite being the child of a truly insane Mother.
I love you,
Mommy.

I will now give you my closing thoughts: I hate to be cold, I am worried a little about the budget deficit, what is wrong with some people?, I almost cried when I heard D. Will would be out of the Utah Jazz loop for a few days, I get to see my cousins this weekend and that makes me happy, I need to visit the Wal-mart, I'm a little worried about a young friend I have, As adults why do we think we can make decisions for ourselves and that our happiness should come before that of our children, and I have absolutely no idea what I am talking about because I just really have not experienced enough to pass judgement on anyone. Well, I feel justified in passing judgement on real life horrifying criminals -- IT'S THE SLAMMER FOR YOU, PERVERTS! But otherwise, I should just sit in my corner and rock quietly.
Dear Readers,
I apologize for the complete and utter random nature of this post. Please remember you came here of your own free will and choice, and I love you for it.
Love,
MaRetard.

Gee Willacker

For reasons as yet not understood, about six months ago I allowed myself to be photographed by my sister Trina while... freestyling. We all do it -- freestyle, I mean. (At least I think we all do it.) I did it so that she could play with the shutter on her new camera, and also because she asked me to and it made her laugh pretty hard. And also because I will do pretty much anything. It's a defect I have.

I realized something yesterday, and it is this:

There is just no excuse for me. None.

I've just always been this way.

Let's call it a propensity to not care enough about what others might think.

Can we call it a problem with impulse control?

But dangit, when the mood strikes to shake my groove thing, I just gotta shake it! Plus, I had to learn to deal with this aspect of myself a long time ago. And in fact, I am pretty glad I'll get up and dance rather then just sit in my chair and wish I could dance, or much worse -- sit in my chair and pity the people dancing. Girls just wanna have fun, you know?

Let's still be friends.