Friday, June 26, 2015


Saw this gem of a picture today at Mom B's. That Double B McButter Pants gave Benson the exact same hair and much of his cuteness. 
I guess my suspicions could come to fruition and my tiny Double B could grow up and have his dad's black hair. Time will tell. Either way, that is one cute family. 
In national history, today the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage nation wide. That makes me pretty sad... because as a history student, the overriding of states rights scares me. We have a carefully constructed government. It hangs on its ability to check and balance itself. 
In family history, today we went to an awesome trampoline place with Sil and her girls. The kids LOVED it, it was awesome! Olivia found several ways to injure herself but she was a champ. She has some serious circus basketball skills! They were all sweaty and tired, but we had fun. Costco, sweltering in 111 degree heat, a fun visit with the grandparents B and cousins, and lemons to top it off. Can't complain about that. 

Christmas Flash Back

So I'm not a hundred percent sure what got me thinking of this, since it was 110 today and we spent hours at the splash pad and drinking our weight in Frys drinks (a tragic discovery if ever there was one. They already know my order when I pull up to the window -- Diet Coke, double lime. It's so sad. And yet is so happy, too).
I think my Christmas Flash Back comes courtesy of a little board book Benny was playing with -- that puts pictures to the song "Mary, Did You Know." Kate wanted me to read it to her, recognized the lyrics, hunted down the Pentatonics Christmas CD and the portable movie player, and danced her little heart out to the music, on repeat.
So my little mind time machine took me back to last Christmas, when the Double B ate his entire box of birthday-cake Oreos and most of his sock candy during the opening of presents. Then ate a very sugary breakfast. Then declared himself very ill. All before about nine o'clock in the morning.
He spent pretty much all of Christmas day in bed, and didn't even feel good enough to come with us to celebrate that night with the Tates. Which was too bad, because we had fun. The rest of us had a jolly time. But not the Double B! We got back just in time for me to help offer him moral support while he barfed up everything he'd ever eaten in his life to that point. I pitied him -- at least 50%. Then Olivia called me upstairs because, sure enough, Katelyn was barfing. Then Double B. Then Katelyn. It was a Christmas barf competition!
Olivia was awarded the red badge of courage for being my faithful, compassionate assistant with all the yakking going on.
So that was Christmas 2014. A good year. Recited to you this 25th day of June, 2015.
The end.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Disgust

It was a great day today. We met Aunt Trina and her kids at the park for a picnic and my dear friend Jodi just happened to be there. We had a lovely visit! Kate took the two pictures on the right while puttering around:
Then tonight we went to see the new Pixar movie "Inside Out." It was darling. I seriously did laugh and cry. In fact, I ba-hewd! Something about that imaginary friend helping Joy just caused a small eruption inside myself! I love every time I cry now. Sounds funny, I know, but it is such a release valve... I have really missed the ability to weep. Every time it comes now it's just a huge relief! I'm not broken -- Hurray! 
At the park we talked about being "nice" women, and how important it is to be able to actually say what you mean. To be kind but to be forthright. I realized a while ago I'd smothered that inside myself, and really, by not saying what I really meant or thought it was just a form of lying. It is hard for me to feel comfortable sharing, but I am determined to be that kind of disciple! Loving and kind, but totally forthright and without guile. Life goal. I know it will make me a better wife, mother, and friend! 
It is funny, because on the way home I got feeling weirdly guilty. Like, how dare I share my opinion to my friends? See, I have work to do. But I have the desire to DO the work, and that makes me happy.  
Forward and not backwards. 

Monday, June 22, 2015

For I Am Not Ashamed

Meet "Oliver" and "Ken."
These people crack me up. 
Today is our 13th anniversary. Didn't get the chance to celebrate today -- spent about 20 waking minutes together -- very romantic! But we'll do something in the next couple days. How I love my Double B. He is the peanut butter to my jelly. Everything would be different without him. He is my own personal cup of hot cocoa. How I love him. Best of all, here's what we have to show for 13 happy years together:
We are a family. How amazing. 

And now, since this blog is basically for my children and grandchildren and all the other childrens, some thoughts. Seems like recently I've read or seen a lot of things that are angry. Angry at the church, the "brethren," God, religion, ethics, morals, pretty much anything you could think of. It's tragic to see wonderful people losing their faith in the good. Or giving up on years of beautiful faith and experience because they have questions. My dad always sang us a fun little song about the Bible that has a verse about Jacob and Esau that says he sold his inheritance "for a sandwich and a beer." That's what's actually happening right now, though. I love questions. Jeffrey R. Holland has said that if you haven't questioned your religion, you probably haven't thought about it hard enough. Questions are awesome! I love people who wrestle. Enos from the Book of Mormon is one of my heros -- his story of the "wrestle which he had before God" got me through my own 20 year-plus wrestle before God. But now, on the other side, I am so profoundly grateful for the wrestle! Because of that wrestle, my confidence as a woman in God's kingdom is unshakable. I don't need anyone else to tell me what God thinks of me, or my gender, or the power I hold directly because of my gender, because I KNOW. He patiently taught me. It was line upon line, precept on precept. But I don't need anyone or anything to tell me I'm more or I'm less, because I know. The Holy Ghost has made my faith unshakable in that thing. I don't have a ton of knowledge -- I have some! -- but what I do have is a ton of is faith. It is hard won through experience! Through testing the word. So when God speaks, through the Spirit or through a prophet, I seek personal confirmation and I act.  I know He will display His mighty hand. I have received too many witnesses -- sometimes big and sometimes small -- to ever deny it. I realize this is my path and I acknowledge others have their own path. I honestly respect that. I just realized last night while reading an angry article with angry comments -- none of this outside anger can change me. I've wrestled my great wrestle before God. Now it is my responsibility to continue rowing my way up the stream. Strong, solid, steady rows. And to encourage the amazing questioners and the wrestlers in my life to keep going -- keep seeking -- keep experimenting upon the word. It may take twenty slow years of here a little, there a little -- it may take longer -- but I have a perfect knowledge that you will be answered. And the answer is worth the wait. 

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Thinking Spot

This was the view from my Thinking Spot in Kansas City. Much pondering happened here. Reading, thinking, snuggling, loitering. All here, legs up and pillow propped, watching the clouds swirl and the trees change. Winter, spring, summer, fall, winter, spring, summer, fall, winter, spring. I loved my thinking spot. 

Business Report

Katelyn means business about this instagram plan -- she wants to post a hair picture every day. She brought me the brush, the hair bands, and two headbands to choose from, while detailing her plan. She then carefully analyzed each photo and picked her favorites to post. I can't complain about this. Wanting her hair done?! I'll take it! 
The Double B is loving the Business Center. It is awesome to see how great the transition has been for him. So smooth, and he says the difference in the stress level is amazing. He is enjoying it a lot -- he really likes the people he works with, his managers, everything. I'm so thankful. The huge temporary commute is hard because he's tired, but work is good. Already I can just see the burden of stress just falling off of him. I'm so excited for him, for us as a couple, and for our little family! I sure love that kid. Monday is our 13th anniversary. Crazy. We are so fortunate to have each other. It's not perfect, but it is committed. And that's pretty beautiful in my eyes. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Baking Like A Toasted Cheeser

Today Katelyn requested I put her hair into a ponytail. Then, after fifty pictures taken at her request, she insisted this picture needed to go on instagram. Naturally, I obliged. She was just so intent, it was cranking me up. 
I Love that child! She asks fifty million questions a day, and often difficult, universe-type questions. There is some danger here she's a genius. 
Grandpa is off on Fridays, which is Totally Awesome! He set up the pool for the kids and they spent a few hours doing canon balls, and inventing a fabulous new game where they laid back, held hands, and sang "waffle, waffle, waffle" at each other. I'll admit, it was quite unusual. Looked fun, though. At one point KJ and Liv were ruining Katelyn's "grand finale" with their canon balls, and just as they were running and jumping she yelled shrilly "NEVER!!!" Just in general protest as the tsunami washed over them all. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Ah. Parenthood. 
They are such great human beings. 
Later Bella and Bia came over, and the pool came out again! About five hours in the pool today, I'd bet. They loved every single second! Papa is a very dedicated fellow. 
Benson is so crazy about Bia. Every time he sees her he just flips out, smiling, squealing, pumping his arms and legs. And usually trying to pull a little Helen Keller on her, reaching to explore her face. He loves noses, eyes, mouths, ears. Anything he thinks he can explore! He is such a happy, loving little guy. Bia is so darn cute. LOVE getting to know this serious and sweet little niece of mine. I think they'll be awesome FC's.
It was so cute when Benson realized I was going to take this picture with grandma, he snuggled right into her and smiled so happy. Melted my heart! 
It means so much that they can now be a part of his life as he grows and changes so quickly right now! I'm so excited to have their support so close again!
We finally closed on our house on Monday. It is sold. I was so happy but also a little melancholy -- that was our home and there was so much love there! We grew so much there and had many good times. It was a beautiful home and I'm happy we got to love it and so very, very thankful it sold so fast and all went smoothly. 
Now we start aggressively looking for our new home. Renting again for awhile but looking forward to a new place to call our own!
So thankful to my parents for their graciousness to us and so thankful for this season of rest.