Friday, April 30, 2010

Fascinating, But Motherhood Really Can Hurt

My baby holding his baby, Bunny

First off, my friends are so smart. Because now I know why there is a Fillmore in Millard and also that Millard Fillmore did in fact serve four years. Do not be afraid, little ones, he was not assassinated. You just have to count the first number. Or year.

I feel so relieved. Thank you one and all.

Today was K.J.'s kindergarten graduation. Yes, school is not out until May 28; nevertheless, he graduated today after the end-of-the-year program. He can just sail through May. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even have to do his homework.

Here is the thing: it broke my little pea-pickin' heart. It was horrible. And wonderful. And horrible. Because I caint taaake it. That is my offspring there, commencement-laden and all. He looked so adorable and did such a great job on his part, beaming at me the whole time. I was really proud of him. Then Grandma and Grandpa B took us to lunch at Dinner Queen (you might know it as Dairy Queen, but you would be mistaken) to celebrate. He had such a great time. I will post pictures on Monday.

I just don't like the idea of him going to school all day long next year. Because he is mine. Mine. I carried him, dangit, I have loved and nurtured and probably scarred him a little bit. And I just don't see why the school district gets him from 9-3 every single day. I don't like it! I paid for him! It's like legalized theft. Just go ahead and rob my child bank, why don't you. The Double B says I will have a new baby and will be able to be excited for him that he gets to go all day and gets to experience school lunch and all that. Maybe. I think the Double B is just really good at placating me. He's been working at it for some time, now.

I kind of have a problem as a mother, and it's the same one my Mom had. I remember her saying she just wanted her chicks around her, and I never knew what the heck that meant. But now I do. I have chickens, and I want them around me. I just want my chickens around me, dangit! I love my chickens! I made good ones, and I like them, and I like to be surrounded by them. Cluck, cluck, cluck.

At the end of the program they stood up with little flags to sing "I'm Proud To Be An American." I remember very well singing that song in the second grade at the court house in Nephi, Utah as the whole town gathered to wish our departing troops a safe tour in Desert Storm. I remember that song playing over the speakers after 9/11 as I sat and ate lunch in the college cafeteria. It always makes me feel, well... proud to be an American. So there is my little tiny (at least to me) son, singing his heart out and waving that flag above his head, and I... cried. I cried, okay? Because my heart felt so full with so many blessings. I'm so thankful for such a beautiful little boy to have as my son. He exceeds every expectation and wish I could have had for my oldest child. I am so thankful for a little girl who beams -- absolutely beams -- with pride at her big brother and adds so much fun and joy to our family. I'm so thankful for a new baby girl on her way. And I'm so thankful that my children get to live here -- in the land of the free and the home of the brave. Even with all of our problems, at our root, America is made up of beautiful dreams. And I love that.

So in conclusion, it did twinge, but I guess that in the grand scheme of things it's okay that K.J. graduated from Kindergarten today. As long as he never grows up to be president, he'll be fine.
And so will I.

P.S. Olivia is marrying her toy Malificent to her toy Shadow Man from 'Princess and the Frog' as we speak. I think they are having a fight, because Shadow Man just made Malificent cry and run to her room. Oh, love...

1 comment:

Emily said...

It was hard for me when Kaylee graduated Kindergarten, too. I see it being difficult with Toby, too. And first grade was really difficult for me to get used to when Kaylee went. I always wish for my little ones to be around me, too but it is life and it's good for them. My kids will be gone from 8:10-4PM. I choose your 9-3. I miss them terribly.