Sunday, April 26, 2009

Cousin Update

Dear Tina,
How are you, cuz? I'm fine, thanks. I hope all is well with you!
I just got back from church a few hours ago, it was pretty much great, although my children barely lived through Sacrament Meeting. I had to pass on Sunday School, 'cause my nerves were going to blow up and I needed to just chill in my spot on the couch in the north foyer. I am pretty darn good at looking busy during that hour. I shuffle through my binder and put together the little things that need to be done that week. Very convincing, for myself and for others.
I was very glad to see you and Sperry fam this weekend. The softball games were fun, and Taylei is very talented, indeed! I thank you for ensuring she will live a life with no regret as far as hairdo's are concerned. Nephi truly does suffer from hair dysmorphia. I just can not understand wanting to go around looking like you've been electrocuted. Thank you, dear cousin, for not being one of the sheep.
I would like to thank you for reading my blog. That is so nice of you. I would like to read your blog, too, but first you have to post! Funny how that happens.
Here's something funny and tragic: a few days ago, a very nice and funny and charming and fast-speaking black woman from Detroit came to my door selling "the most amazing cleaning product in the world." (That is a run on sentence, if you were wondering). For reasons not totally understood even to myself, and fully knowing I have to pay my children's dentist $900 next week, I bought this cleaning product. That's right. I paid SIXTY NINE dollars for it. Ugh. I immediately wanted to slit my wrists and spray the blood all over my walls (That would be a good test for my very expensive fancy cleaner)! I went and confessed to my neighbors, who laughed at me. That night after Ben came home from softball, I told him the awful truth. He took it well. Quote: "Well, I guess it could have been worse." Here's how she got me: jokes about being black. I had to buy, lest she think me racist. "The people in Utah are so nice" comments. Dangit, I couldn't let her think L.D.S. people are mean! "I have three children myself and I'm trying to give them a good life instead of dope and jail" comments. I have two kids, and I don't want her kids doing dope in jail! Moral: she saw me coming from a mile away. Don't answer the door, whatever you do!!! However; I did clean my front door so I wouldn't kill myself. It is now very shiny, indeed. If you ever need to borrow fancy, earth friendly cleaners that you can lick and it won't hurt you -- contact me.
Well, Tina, I truly do love you. I forgive you for not feeding me fish sticks as a child and apologize for being an unholy nightmare to babysit.
Cousins forever!

Tonight my friend Tamari did a musical fireside for the youth in my ward on virtue. It was too awesome for words. Every one lingered for a long time afterward enjoying the spirit she had brought into the room. I wish you all could have been there. Thank you, Tamari!


kip said...

It is very early and I got all the way through this post thinking. . . what in the freak. . . why is she calling Trina Cuz and who the is this Taylei person. I really need my baby to sleep through the night. Don't hate us cuz we black Maree. We half pusht froh awot of transquilatees. So take dat. Load give me Strenf!

Tink said...

I personally am very glad I missed the sales lady 'cause I'm a sucker! But yeah for your cleaner! I might have to borrow some....but then I would have to clean! So you better keep it! Love ya sis!

Ducksoup said...

this post was too funny ree. how nice of you to forgive tina for the cruel and unnecessary starvation we experienced in our childhood :) just kiddin' tin! granny would be impressed you have the best cleaner in the world. plus, just think it's only money :). i've had those same horrible feelings after making a maybe not-so-necessary purchase. i went to a book party when braden was a baby and came away spending a bundle. i was sick driving home! ryan forgave me and my mom just reminded me there were libraries--you didn't actually have to own 8,000 books. awe, oh well huh. have a good one! love yah ree!!

Tamari said...

Thanks again for the opportunity Marie! Check out my blog I wrote all about the fireside! Love ya!! :)