I decided the very best thing to do today would be to look at some pictures of my Liv that just crack me up.
She is so funny.
And also, a very talented trouble-maker.
Which is what I like about her. The girl has spunk.
Last night I was sitting there thinking (shocking, I know). I did lots of brain work yesterday, it was actually kind of refreshing. My mind just wanted to try to figure things out, questions I've been thinking about, etc. It was kind of a fun break from the usual I.Q. drain I usually subject myself to. Nice to know there are still a few brain cells left in there.
I had an epiphany. Just for myself. I am the captain of my own soul, so I'm the only person this epiphany applies to, really. You can still think what you want. But for me, this was like POW! Punched me upside the head. And I would have told The Double B about it, but he wouldn't have really agreed, and he was asleep watching his WWII show anyway.
It has really been bothering me lately how we make decisions... who we affect when we do so, and just how important our personal "happiness" really is in the grand scheme of things. For instance, I could make a choice that I think would make me happy, but would make my husband or my children miserable. Is it still the right choice? I don't think so, but it seems like I've been surrounded by people lately who seem to think that is perfectly alright. Especially if you're only sacrificing the happiness of the children. This mystifies me, quite frankly. Since life is not all sunshine and roses, can't we expect to feel some "unhappiness"? Can't we expect to have to sacrifice what is best and easiest for us at the time for the greater good? Won't the protecting of the happiness of the people we love ultimately lead to our best and happiest self? And I'm not talking about in the next life, either. I'm talking about here. I think doing those things will lead to our ultimate best and happiest self here. The thing that has amazed me maybe the most is how often this course of personal happiness is justified by gender... "He can't help it, he's a man and it's different for him." "She's a woman and feels things differently", etc. THIS DRIVES ME WACKO! We're all human beings, right? Of course we have differences, and yes, I believe God made us that way to a certain extent. However; I think most of our differences our culturally enforced. Like a man is excused for his sexual desires or actions because he is a man, and for mysterious reasons, "can not be alone". Like a woman who becomes an object because that is what is expected of her -- I have had so many people tell me lately that is how God made us. And this is what came into my head last night:
I do not believe God made us to behave the way we behave. I think he made us knowing we would have faults and strengths, trials and triumphs. I know he gave us certain roles. But that does not mean he MADE us to behave a certain way. We make our own choices. We are captains unto ourselves. We are the ones who allow these excuses to justify our destruction of the happiness of others. And I feel really strongly about this.
Just in case you're wondering.
Sorry, I just had to get that out of me. Anyhow, aren't you glad I posted those pictures of Miss Livi first? It was a purposely snare to get you to still like me! Go look at them again... they are really funny. And I love that she always has something on her face. Who is this girls mother, anyway?