Thursday, January 28, 2010

Proof That The Body-Snatchers Don't Have Me Yet

I have definitive, conclusive, concrete, non-negotiable, absolute, irrefutable proof that I am still myself. The Body-Pods (or anybody/thing else) haven't taken over yet.

Here is how I know:

Last night I was laying on my bed watching The Office Season Five with my children -- it's how the four of us bond closer as a family (make of that what you will, I don't even care) -- when I smelled something burning. I sniffed. Definitely burning, but maybe outside. A few minutes later, I smelled a strong casserole. Hm? Then burning toast. I called to The Double B, who(m?) was in the other room. He obediently came to my aid. The conversation went something like this:

Me: I smelled something burning, then casserole, then burnt toast.

Double B: Really.

Me: Yes.

Double B: That's interesting.

Me: I know. Can't you smell it?

Double B: (sniffing) I don't smell anything.

Me: Could you go and make sure the kitchen is not on fire?

(He goes to make sure there are no flames licking at our cupboards. Returns)

Double B: Nothing is burning.

Me: Okay. Thanks, buddy. Except, I smell burnt toast again. What do you think that means?

Double B: I don't know. (He returns to his game.)

(Two minutes pass away)

Me: Benny! I smell chlorine!! Strong, strong chlorine!!!

(Double B returns to doorway)

Double B: Would you like me to stay in here with you?

Me: I think that might be a good idea.

(Double B lays down and proceeds to watch The Office Season Five with me)

Me: I smell burning toast again.

Double B: That's pretty weird.

Me: I think I may be exhibiting the early signs of a stroke.

Double B: What makes you say that?

Me: I think I read once that people who suffer a stroke smell burning before the event.

Double B: Hm.

Me: Do I look weird? I think something might be wrong with me!

Double B: Nope.

Me: Do you think you should watch me closely in case I start exhibiting warning signs? Because if you call within three hours of the stroke they can sometimes reverse the effects and I can come back.

Double B: I'll keep an eye on you.

And ... scene.

We then finished watching the last few episodes of The Office Season Five and laughed our heads clean off (that last moment with Jim and Pam... sigh of happiness!). Something about that show just cracks us up every time. I have a real fondness for Andy. Ben has a real fondness for Kevin. And we both are convinced that Dwight K. Sch-rute is the coolest dude ever.

I did not suffer a stroke, you'll be very relieved about that.

But it did prove something: I am, in fact, still Marie. There is no changing that fact. If I smell mysterious burning, I will honestly be concerned I am having a stroke. It's just the way I am.
And that is A-Okay.


Simmons Family said...

haha, you are so funny!!! I smell things all the time and Shaun informs me that I am delusional. Sounds like your hubby is more understanding. :)

Tim said...

hahaha. I love it. I'm glad you're still Marie and that you still find time to post about your happenings! I'm especially glad that you didn't have a stroke though.

Ducksoup said...

you are F.U.N.N.Y. so cool you are so cool and we are related. i'm hoping somehow that will make me cool. maybe i need to start carrying a pic of you around and letting pillow know we are cousins. i think even if they didn't know you they would think you are cool. i know someday your blog is going to be extremely famous, and if i don't carry around your pic they'll definitely come to the reality of your coolness eventually. burnt toast? crazy. i hope tomorrow you just smell red roses. have i got the point across, you are funny?