Friday, January 29, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Don't Know Everything.

Last night I had the most fascinating experience.

I was reading a blog I haven't read for a few weeks because I was mad at the person who writes it. Granted, I don't know the dude. I just know I felt like he was doing something crazy, wild, irresponsible with his life -- and you know what? I just didn't think he knew the best way to his own happiness.

Isn't that interesting?

Doesn't that make me sound... well... like a total creep?

I will say that his situation paralleled one I know well in real life and that has caused a lot of terrible pain to the people not making the decisions. So I, naturally ('cause as we have proved, I'm Marie), decided I understood the whole situation and had better knowledge then he did of how soon and in what manner he should be happy.

Wow... I really am a creep.
It's creepy how creepy I am.

So last night the thought came to me "You'd better be careful or you'll have to learn empathy for this situation through terrible experience." It was a very legitimate thought, because golly gee if that hasn't happened about nine million times in my life. I think I know something, 'cause I'm all smart. And then something catastrophic happens and I realize I don't even know how to tell horse poo from cow poo. So when I had this thought, I paid heed to it. I then thought "I really don't want to have to learn that way. That would be the worst possible case scenario. Maybe I should just try to understand that man better and judge him a whole, whole lot less. That could be good."

I went to his blog, and happily -- oh, so happily -- he had written the most beautiful, eloquent post on his reasons for happiness. He didn't have to do it. He didn't owe it to anyone. But he did it. I understood just a little bit better where he was coming from. It was so clearly stated, so honest, so pure. And I thought "I am happy for this man. He is doing the best he can, just like all of us."

And I felt my creepiness get just a little bit less creepy.

I had to call my Mom to let her know that I was a big fat jerk and that I had learned something really important. Mom's are good in those situations, because they'll love you even if you are -- as previously mentioned -- a creepy, big fat jerk.

I felt sorrow that I am such a creepy, big fat jerk sometimes. I mean, you would think that I would have learned by now that in almost every situation I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. You would think that I would have learned by now that none of us have any idea what is happening behind closed doors or the level of pain hidden behind someone else's serene looking face. I am sad that I haven't learned that by now. Really. I am sad about that. I'd like that to change.

Today I feel like there is a possibility that I could one day become a little less of of creepy, big fat jerk. Maybe a creepy, big fat jerk on a jerk-loss plan. Sort of like 'The Biggest Loser'. But for Jerks.

The End.

6 comments:

Tina Williams said...

Sign me up! Maybe we could have a contest to see who can lose the most!

Elise H. said...

I PROMISE you that I'm a bigger big fat creepy jerk than you. Hands down.

Simmons Family said...

Don't worry, we are all big fat jerks sometimes. We love you Marie!!

Ducksoup said...

i think you are pretty much perfect so if you are a big fat jerk i am never going to make it.

Jen said...

You are not a creepy jerk! But you did miss our book group. Can you send me your email address and I'll put you on my list? Not that you have to come if you don't want to, but next month we are doing "A Heart like His" by Virginia Pierce, and the month after that we are doing "The Catcher in the Rye" in honor of JD Salinger's death.

Kamille said...

I read somewhere that it's in my best interest to make my words sweet, in case I ever have to eat them. And to make my thoughts light so when I have to "empty the trash" it doesn't turn into Spring cleaning. Sage wisdom oh internet forwarding gods.