Sunday, July 19, 2009

Mother Aches

My heart is broken.

Today after church, and following the advice of friends, K.J. and I headed up the street to the neighborhood mailbox in search of one very important envelope. We found it. A brown manila folder from Hurricane Elementary School addressed "To the parents of Kyle Burdette."
Kyle Burdette was thrilled.
Kyle Burdette's mother felt torn -- thrilled. And so very sad.
Because inside that envelope we found the words we've been waiting for: what time he will be attending Kindergarten and who his new teacher will be. His eyes twinkled. My eyes teared. He wanted to know: will Kaylee be in his class? No, this is a year to make a whole lot of new friends to go along with old ones. He almost leaped for joy when I told him he gets to start in just over three weeks! And I realized, and told him so, we have a lot of things to do! We need to get new pants and new shirts, paper and pencils and crayons ("and markers!" he added quickly), and even new shoes. He is so happy. When I told him we'd even get to go to lunch and he could pick the place we'll eat it was almost more then he could stand.
It's almost more then I can stand, too.
I don't know if all of you will understand, but I know if you are a Mother, you will.
This is the child I nurtured and grew next to my heart, the baby I held so close and so tight and bathed and fed and dreamed for, the toddler I taught to walk and talk and hug, the little boy who makes me laugh and teaches me every day with his kind and gentle spirit. The person who has blessed my life each and every hour. And now they want me to share him?
How can I possibly let him go?
I leaned into Ben, moaning for my poor Mother heart, and told him how sad it made me. He told me it made him happy. Okay, Dad. You don't get it. But you have your place.
My angel hearted little boy wrapped his arms around my back to make me feel better, so I turned and pulled him so close to my heart once again.
I said "K.J., will you always love me?" he smiled and said "yes" as he put his little hands on my cheeks. I asked "Will you stay my baby boy forever?" He giggled, and replied
"No, Mom! I have to grow up. I'm 'sposed to."
Ouch ... it hurts.


Tink said...

Oh Marie...You brought tears to my own eyes. I don't want KJ to go to school either! It's too soon! He's too little! He can't grow up yet! Let's all fly to never-never-land where we don't have to grow up! And our children can stay little and love and need only us forever! Oh....Oh....Oh....My mother heart breaks for your mother heart! I'm here for ya sis!

Melissa said...

I hear you! I'm struggling sending Kendal to kindergarten. The only thing that makes my controlling, over protective heart feel better is that I "conveniently" joined the PTVO so I'll be there lots! And, my mom works there. "Ahhh..." Sigh of relief!

Tamari said...

sad day for moms...happy day for children...what we go through...Ivy will be attending kindergarten, my baby...I am happy that she is happy and ready to go, but I will miss her so much! Luckily, it is only for a half a year will be the big one, I will have to get a part time job or a puppy or something...*sigh*

And yes I am still on to do the fireside for your Stake on Aug, 30th!! YAY! :)

Tara said...

I'm waiting for that letter myself. I guess just to know what he needs since I already know the teacher. We went and got backpacks yesterday, mostly because for some strange reason Tim actually wanted to go to the store with me so that was the bribe to get the kids to happily go to the store!! I think when I actually take him it will hit me but for now I just don't think about it. I'm glad that you had time in your schedule to let us butt in for a brief time on such short notice. We had a great time. I hope the camping wasn't too terrible. I'm not a huge fan of it myself. Good luck with the heart ache. Just imagine the great things he will become.

The Farnsworths said...

There's always home school!

Paulette said...

Oh, Marie your post is so heart-warming. KJ is a very smart kid. He is supposed to grow up. I understand your pain of motherhood. I get major anxiety over how my kids are growing so fast! But at the same time I want them to be all that they can be and more. So may you be blessed with strength as you send your first-born off to get his education. It is a fun and exciting place to be. He will love it and so will you!:)

Ducksoup said...

you are already making me nervous for that day i face ahead when braden heads off to kindergarten. i'm like you i think it sounds devastating to have them leave home. such a cute boy though telling you he has to grow up. good luck kyle burdette. happy days ahead at kindergarten. will he go by kyle or k.j. love yah rie. you rock.

Jen said...

Well I for one have NO INTENTION of allowing Grace to age or go to kindergarten or any of those other terrible things that happen only to other people and not me. I send my condolences.

jonnycake said...

This to shall pass and as soon as he gets in school you will love your little hours of freedom. You are a great mom.

Ducksoup said...

so the picture of k.j. is sooooo cute. oh my goodness - - i was so excited to read your post i forgot to notice how cute that picture was of your soon-to-be kindergartner. good to know he'll be known as k.j. he may have to do lots of reminding. the first day of school for me always goes like this: mary sperry. no mary dawn and i pronounce it in a way where they probably can't even understand what i'm saying because mary dawn is the hardest name ever to pronounce. and the house was okay, maybe or maybe not. we went and looked at one tonight but ryan, the one who vetoes EVERY house, says too small and too much money. but guess what, there is hope - - we might get to look at another one we want in the next few days. so hey, i'll let you know. love yah rie. enjoy your few more weeks of summer with k.j. at home. i'm sending you lots of love that you'll survive :).

Ducksoup said...

and how would it be to have 10 comments for one post. you are the coolest blogger ever!