My heart is broken.
Today after church, and following the advice of friends, K.J. and I headed up the street to the neighborhood mailbox in search of one very important envelope. We found it. A brown manila folder from Hurricane Elementary School addressed "To the parents of Kyle Burdette."
Kyle Burdette was thrilled.
Kyle Burdette's mother felt torn -- thrilled. And so very sad.
Because inside that envelope we found the words we've been waiting for: what time he will be attending Kindergarten and who his new teacher will be. His eyes twinkled. My eyes teared. He wanted to know: will Kaylee be in his class? No, this is a year to make a whole lot of new friends to go along with old ones. He almost leaped for joy when I told him he gets to start in just over three weeks! And I realized, and told him so, we have a lot of things to do! We need to get new pants and new shirts, paper and pencils and crayons ("and markers!" he added quickly), and even new shoes. He is so happy. When I told him we'd even get to go to lunch and he could pick the place we'll eat it was almost more then he could stand.
It's almost more then I can stand, too.
I don't know if all of you will understand, but I know if you are a Mother, you will.
This is the child I nurtured and grew next to my heart, the baby I held so close and so tight and bathed and fed and dreamed for, the toddler I taught to walk and talk and hug, the little boy who makes me laugh and teaches me every day with his kind and gentle spirit. The person who has blessed my life each and every hour. And now they want me to share him?
How can I possibly let him go?
I leaned into Ben, moaning for my poor Mother heart, and told him how sad it made me. He told me it made him happy. Okay, Dad. You don't get it. But you have your place.
My angel hearted little boy wrapped his arms around my back to make me feel better, so I turned and pulled him so close to my heart once again.
I said "K.J., will you always love me?" he smiled and said "yes" as he put his little hands on my cheeks. I asked "Will you stay my baby boy forever?" He giggled, and replied
"No, Mom! I have to grow up. I'm 'sposed to."
Ouch ... it hurts.