Thursday, October 1, 2009

Blast From The Past

For a little treat, I offer you a snippet from my journal archives...
This is my journal entry from Thursday, September 11, 2003.
At the time I was seven months pregnant with Kaje and we were living in a hole. A hole, I tell you!
Brace yourselves.

11:50 p.m.
B and I just had the most adventurous half hour of my life. This is a story that will give our children the giggles for decades to come.
We just got home from my parents house, where we spent the evening. We live in an old, old tiny house that would be perfect for our needs if not for the creatures that also want to live here with us. We do not like these creatures. They cause us stress. However, they cause me more stress then B because B is the man and must act stone faced in the harsh light of giant spiders, and tonight... grown up lizards.
So we come in completely innocent and unaware of the impending doom, turn on the light, and B goes to turn on the swamp cooler when "Argh!" he jumps back holding his chest. "That scared me to death!" I am naturally alarmed "What?!"
B: "There's a lizard!!"
Me: "A lizard?!? Why do we live with lizards?!"
B: "I don't know, but I just scared it behind the book shelf."
That was not good news, and when he can't see it with his flashlight, we know it's a serious situation. There are many places for this malevolent lizard to hide. We are both disturbed by this series of events. B gets a box and a broom while I climb on the counter. For several minutes B tries to get the lizard out, but it is hopeless. Our only option is to move the frames off the bookshelf and shake him out.
That doesn't work. So we have to take out the hardcover books and B almost busts the thing 'cause it's too heavy to hold itself up. He's stuck in there. So we have to move the entertainment center, which involves moving out our one million pound t.v. (poor B) and hold up the stereo. Finally, we see the lizard emerge! I scare him into a small box that held "The Lord of the Rings" books with the broom, but when B picks him up, he runs back out and under the bookshelf! NO!!!
Then we scare him out and he is of course right by my foot! I thought I would pee my pants, or go into labor, or... scream. Which I did. I screamed good and loud, and he almost got me!!! Then he ran by the t.v., then under our funny looking orange chair, then up into our orange chair, and finally -- we got him, the evil creature. And as B carried him out, he almost escaped out onto B, which of course scared the poop out of the poor guy. When all was said and done, the family room was torn apart and we were traumatized, with B's infamous words: "I hate this house!!" and I got the giggles as I ran urgently to the ladies room. Phew. We're just happy we survived.

Well, I hope you have enjoyed this month's Blast from the Past. Please know that going potty at nine months pregnant in the middle of the night whilst trying to hover over the toilet with your feet off the ground -- to avoid lizards -- is not very pleasant. Now go forth and serve!


Emily said...


funny story...glad you are in a new house.

Tink said...

Ha ha ha....good laugh!

Simmons Family said...

Marie, you bring such haapiness to my day when I get to read your blogs. You are such a good story teller!! keep them coming!!!!!

Tara said...

I love Blast from the Past post days! Awesome story. It made me cry laughing :) It also reminded me of a story about my grandpa being hobbled by his pants while trying to stay balanced on the toilet seat and get a mouse that so rudely entered the room while he was doing his business!

Tina Williams said...

Glad you survived and glad I haven't had the lizard experience - gail was telling me the other day she had a mouse in her house, which she thought she would worry about in the morning . . . when she got up to go potty in the night though she found it, inside of her toilet . . . which may be worse?

Ducksoup said...

can you start doing blast from the pasts like once a week instead of once a month. wow, that would scare me to death. amazing you survived. crazy story, but i loved it knowing it would all turn out. love yah!