Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Large Plates

I just took a Crest Whitestrips off my teeth. They feel funny. And yet whiter. Is it possible for teeth to feel whiter?

Let's say yes.

I have been away from my large plates here for about... a week. This is almost a record since it's inception almost two years ago. I like to blog. I like big blogs and I can not lie! You other brothers can't deny! ... anyhow. I digress. The reason is not you. It's not you, it's me. I have kept up to date on your blogs, because I love you. I might complain about lack of updates, but again, who am I to talk about the sliver in your eye when I have a two-by-four in my own? I just didn't have much to say, I guess. Shock.ing.

I got nuked last week. For real, like a real Alice In Wonderland type test where I willingly allowed them to put nuclear medicine inside of my body. All for my dumb side. Dumb side, dumb side. It still doesn't love me, which I think is rude, since I give this right side so much love and attention. I thought they'd be nice and take my gallbladder out. But since it's been almost a week and they haven't volunteered, I don't think they're going to do it. Next course of action: herbal remedies. Bring it, dandelion capsule. You may be the source of my relief, which would make me love you forever and allow all of your brothers and sisters to grow in my lawn with no more action taken from me.

It's raining. Like, a lot. And last night as the thunder would boom and the lightning would flash, I dreamed that I was being used as a lightning rod in a field by my cousins. Not very nice, Mary Dawn and Tina. Not very nice at all! But I forgive you for your nighttime misdeeds. I am just amazing like that.

A few nights ago the Double B and I had a little discussion about that new polygamy show on TLC. Nothing rubs me more wrong then that type of thing, I gotta admit. And I have annoyed my dear husband on this subject for more then eight (8) years now. And then he said something. It went like this: "Marie, I need to tell you this. How to say it without making you mad, hm... well... it's just that... you tend to be a little... more... let's say... feminist... then some other people. So you are right, you could never do that. You just couldn't, it is not in any corner of your nature. But you need to realize not everyone feels like that, and they could do it and not have it bother them. Okay? But not you. And that's okay. I like you the way you are. Just don't watch that show, and don't think about it." I thought that was very to the point. I then told him to write a users manual about me for anyone who has to encounter me.
P.S. I might have made up the whole "I like you the way you are" part. I don't exactly remember. But even if it wasn't said, it was implied. We're married, you know.

It's raining.

K.J. is having huge success rates with making Katelyn smile. It is his greatest achievement in life so far, if you hear him brag about it. He and Livi are both so sweet to their little sister, she is one lucky chicken to have them.

One day if I ever write the next great American novel and get a million dollars for the first book, and then they sign me to a six book deal, I'm going to pay off my parents house and send them on an American History tour. I will then put a couple hundred thousand in the stock market for them so my Mom can retire and read books all day and my Dad can find things that amuse him. Like, maybe he could start a business where he makes little stages for puppet shows or something. I will then pay off my in-laws house and send them... well, I think Dad B. might like to go up to Strawberry Reservoir with their little friends or something. Then I will put a couple hundred thousand in the stock market so they can live high on the horse. With the rest of my money I would put like fifty thousand down on all our siblings houses. And then... I think I'm running out of money here. But then I'd pay off my friends medical bills so they could be free of that burden, and then I'd give a really generous fast offering, and then me and the Double B would head off with the kids for like a two week vacation to Disney world. And then me and the Double B would go off for a week in Hawaii. And then I think we're broke.

But don't worry, it's a six book deal.

I have been a misdevient (is that a new word?) about exercises this week. And I remembered why I exercise nightly as I climbed into bed exerciseless last night with a little bag of cheese Doritos and a handful of caramels -- 'cause I'm a weakling without it. So tonight, come hell or high water (and there's a real chance of high water) I shall do my best and reach the potential within me.

At least I didn't eat the Medium Frozen Hot Chocolate I really wanted.

See? I'm amazing.

And that's all for today. Livi must be picked up from preschool and we must snuggle up on my bed to watch 'Watcher in the Woods' as the lightning flashes around us. We're both very excited. And don't worry about her, worry about me. That girl has nerves of steal.

The End.


Melissa said...

Glad to see you're still among the living. I was slightly worried. 'Watcher in the Woods'...scariest movie ever! I can't watch it. I watched it when I was little and was scarred forever!

Tara said...

I just LOVE your blog. Thanks for finding something to say. I missed you last week!

Ducksoup said...

woo hoo! a marie post. i love them. could read them all day actually. so if you want to post again later on today that would be lovely. i hope tonight you have dreams of me doing something nice to you :). sorry to give you nightmares. love yah!

Tina Williams said...

Apologize for the nightmares as well. You should shift them into dreams of us eating much chocolate together -- that would be lovely. I'll be glad to be you book editor. Also - could I have $500 of the million - not sure where I would spend it -- maybe we could do a Sperry girl shopping spree in honor of Granny -- Costco and Dress Barn here we come . . .

Jen said...

Yes you are amazing. One of my friends sometimes goes through ways to spend a million dollars in her mind while she is bored. Maybe it was while she was in labor? I can't remember, but I thought that seemed like a fun way to pass the time.