Monday, February 7, 2011


I just saw a picture of myself on the 4th of July, 2010. I was about 90 million weeks pregnant, and let me just say -- I am so impressed with myself. I'm not joking. I had no idea one single human being could reach porportions of that magnitude. It was truly impressive. No wonder I was so miserable. No wonder I created shock and awe wherever I went. I had no idea how accurate I was when I said I was The H.M.S. Marie. And I say this all as a compliment to myself. Really. I am a champion.

This has to do with our topic today: the evil of running. I HATE running. Once me and my sis Trina (you may know her as T-Bomb) were runners before I had Katelyn. We were beginning runners. As in, we'd worked ourselves up to three miles. And let me tell you something: IT WAS HORRIBLE. I dislike it. I don't like it. It is torture. Sheer human water torture.

This is me not mincing words.

I know many people (many of you, in fact) who are dedicated runners. I know you even -- gulp -- love it. I fear you. I fear for all of you. My brother Nick says I have to join you.

This is because I asked him and his stupid body of pure muscle (I know... lame!) how to get rid of this last twenty pounds of belly blubber. I love my state of belly blubber because I know how far this belly blubber has come (I shall now reference the 4th of July picture of record-breaking magnitude) I told him I work really hard at Zumba and it kicks my butt and I walk also and that I am a very good person. I told him I have lost 45 pounds, which I am proud of, man, 'cause it's been blood, sweat, and tears caused by sweat running into my eyeballs. He looked at me like "Whatev" and said that most wretched of all words: "Running."

He hurt me deeply by insisting that there is just no substitute for running.

T-Bomb and I looked at each other in pure, unadulterated horror. I hate running. T-Bomb also hates running! We hate running! Running is for the popular kids! We are the unpopular kids!




Tara said...

I've actually heard that swimming is one of the best ways to exercise and it's easier on your joints than running. I don't know if there is really anywhere you can go swimming in the winter there though? Maybe a rec center? Good luck with that. Congrats on your progress so far.

Jen said...

I once ran enough to start to not hate running, but it took me four years to build up to that point.

Alex is trying to drop a few lbs right now, too. He uses an ipod app called lose it and tracks his calories. He just started running, too, and he HATES running with a deep loathing as well.

Elise said...

AM I POPULAR?!?! I love running, therefore, I am popular. So says Marie. I am SO glad I read your blog today.

I'm with Tara, swimming is an awesome workout, especially if you're bad at it. With me, it seemed like the better I got at swimming the easier the workout was. But it's much easier on the joints and seems like a better full body workout.

I wish we lived closer together so that I could make you run with me.

And finally, the comment you left on my blog made me laugh out loud. You are frigging hilarious.

Ducksoup said...

riese head - - you are freaking amazing. losing 45 pounds. wow! i can't seem to even lose 1 pound! way to go. i am so impressed. i would love a video post of you doing zumba. i really am going to try out zumba with you one of these nights just so i can see you rock it. love yah! keep up the good work.

Dan,Lisa,Zeak,Jake,Kaci said...

lol that made my day. I HATE running as well. I have done Zumba twice in St George and LOVE It and I am not a dancer I was not popular. I know a lot of people swear by it!

Cory Reese said...

Running serves one purpose: to justify all the Hostess products I eat. Seriously.

Not that I'm advocating running, but if you're looking for motivation...

Got Netflix? Rent a movie called "Spirit Of The Marathon". It's pretty downright amazing. If you don't have Netflix I may know someone (such as me) who could hook you up with the flick if you're interested.