Great news, though, turns out I'm not a total sissy! That stuff just hurts.
You know how sometimes you look back at past pain or difficulty and have a bit of imposter syndrome about it? Like maybe it wasn't so bad and you're just a huge wimp? Anyone else have that?
It's probably not really very nice to yourself to do that, I'm thinking.
I wonder why being such a huge bum nugget to myself is the default. Honestly, I have really worked hard on this. I preach it, baby. I have an actual testimony about being gentle to the self. But if I'm not using constant vigilance (a la Mad Eye Moody, Harry Potter fans unite!), I'm just a huge jerk. Like big time bully send this girl to the principal jerk.
I will keep working on that.
You, too, if it's something you struggle with.
As our beloved Kim Seok-jin says, "What i wish to say is, just because others are having difficulties, it doesn't mean that yours get any less difficult. So whenever you're having a hard time, tell others that you're struggling. Ask them
to understand and comfort you. Please be sure to say that."
Good advice, right?
Honestly, I never really know what I'm going to say when I get here. We both get to be surprised.
The Double B was off today and we ran some errands together.
KJ has two upcoming concerts, on Thursday and Friday, and then our almost niece Melissa has a bridal shower on Saturday. So obviously I need to leave town for a few days. Liv wasn't able to get work off and it's hard for the kids to miss two days of school, so I'm a lone ranger. We were trying to iron out the kinks tonight about how to make it all happen and get everyone where they need to be. I get stressed about leaving home, like I'm letting my people down. The Double B gets upset at me when I go and it really stresses me out a lot. Isn't that wild? It's not like I'm off to see the wizard for kicks and giggles. I honestly can't figure it out. Tonight I thought maybe it's some kind of seperation anxiety? I'm glad he likes me so much, but I would love not having a huge thunder cloud when it's something we both know that I need to do. I mean, if he'd rather go in my place, that would also be fine. Go for it.
I wish I could learn to be an umbrella.
Being married to a whole nother human being is so weird.
Even though we're total weirdos over here, I'll just know that's never going to change -- we'll always be our own special brand of weird -- and just be happy! Life is good.
I'm so excited to hear KJ play and support him. I'm so happy to celebrate our family growing and to get to see my beloved sisters-in-law and nieces.
I hope you're doing okay.
Don't forget that your life matters. The light and energy and kindness you bring the world makes all the difference.
I love you so much.
Let's talk again soon.
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