I am afflicted.
I think it would be really special if this mind of mine would just accept things as the way they are and be good with that. I am down-right positive that my husband wishes the same thing.
Last night I was getting ready for bed when my little head replayed a conversation I was a part of that made me ANGRY. And then I got all stirred up about it until The Double B came to bed. He laid down and I said his very most favorite words in the whole world:
"I need you to talk me back from the ledge."
And then asked me what the problem was.
And ... It's the same problem I've always had.
Even though, personally, my life is great -- I have an amazing father and a great husband who are as "girl power" as the next person -- I have lots of concerns about women being second-class citizens. And I get mad how men respond when faced with this fact. The problem is, men are in charge.
As much as I try to talk myself down ("DOWN, Marie!"), the set-up upsets me. It really does. The way it appears is that women are not as important as men. And darnit, I know that is not how God feels! So why does it keep appearing that way? Why isn't something done to say "Wow, things are a little messed up, but with a little tweeking and listening, we could fix that." Instead it's just "Well, you are the nobler sex," or "You don't need these resources 'cause you're already so good" (my personal favorite), or, worst of all "Why do you have to be difficult?"
I'm sorry, for the two men who read my blog. I apologize. I know you are good and decent human beings. It's just that the system is flawed.
The Double B gets really frustrated with me. He tries to be patient, but he struggles. Last night he went so far as to say "I wish we didn't have to have this conversation once a week." UH! Insulting! Once a week?! How 'bout once a month? I corrected him, believe you me. This conversation only takes place once a month. Possibly even every six weeks when I mind my P's and Q's.
I swear, I was born this way. I am not accountable.
Okay, I am accountable. Ben says I just love to kick against the pricks.
I think Ben is rude.
Just kidding. Mostly.
I do kick against the pricks. But I don't love to do it. I just do it.
Occasionally. Not as much as I used to.
I think what it comes down to is that I need my own magic island. I will be ruler of this island, and I will not have to see anything I don't want to see. My children will play on my magic island. My husband will have visitation rights on my island, as long as he says exactly what I want him to say at all times. You are all welcome on my magic island, but please only bring happy news and fun treats with you. My little island is called "Denial," and I love it. I am going to live there forever!